Om Namah Shivaya
After writing that piece about Los Angeles, especially the beautiful experiences with Amma during Devi Bhava, I started getting a strong sense that this whole experience of tour and Amma wanted to be written in a book. Therefore, I've continued my writing off line, rewriting some of the early parts, continuing forward with the tour, and also adding in the wonderful events that lead me into the grace of being on staff in the first place.
For now I'm going to leave the blog as it is even though I've rewritten and added to a lot of the content off line. I hope that someday, the emerging book will be as fun and insightful for others to read as it is for me to write!
In Amma,
Yogeshwar
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Amma's Tour (Los Angeles)
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
It is already dark when our bus arrives in LA. Roused from our naps we grab our luggage and proceed to the staff check in area. After receiving a room key (yes! these are just precious to have on tour) I catch Dinner in the staff room, which was prepared by the local satsang. After a while, you start to appreciate these local people who help take care of the traveling staff. This includes acts of kindness such as stocking the staff room with many goodies and yummies and, in most cities, doing our laundry. Everybody contributes a piece to this organization and somehow it works, not just in hosting Amma throughout the world, but also in running the many ashrams and charitable organizations worldwide. As a volunteer, all I really have to focus on occurs in the veggie prep area and the kitchen, and all the other pieces come together quite amazingly, which are the focus of other volunteers who, in turn, don't have to worry about veggie prep or the kitchen at all.
It's about 7 AM on this first morning in LA, and I'm looking for the veggie prep area. It's located across from the program hall, separated from it by a large hallway. The room in which we'll be setting up is carpeted, and some kind souls have already taped blue tarps onto the area we'll be using, and set up tables. The pallets have also already been broken down, for the most part, so it's just a matter of finding our supplies and getting organized.
More later...
It is difficult for me to supervise the sevites here for two reasons, the first of which is my long-standing vasana of wanting to hide in the shadows, which is being pushed to the surface now. Somehow I find myself really pulling back, not from the work, but from my supervising duties, which unfortunately leaves Sumati with more responsibility. I find it most difficult to come into the foreground to instruct and direct the sevites in their duties, and to check up on them and their work, making sure they are doing well. During my meditations with Amma, I put a lot of intention into seeing things flow well in the veggie prep area, praying for grace and visualizing a healthy and vibrant workflow, and, me taking on a more direct and active role. It amazes me how these patterns can be so difficult to correct, even though I’ve already had very positive experiences of being responsible and really on top of things in Michigan last year and in Seattle this year, and good days in the other cities where I really came out of my shell.
As the tour progresses, I start to really see how the seva is our spiritual practice, where we get to fine tune our consciousness especially in how it relates to various conditions, ranging from easy to stressful and challenging. The growth here really seems accelerated, too, with the invisible hands of Amma guiding us, and at times, creating just the right conditions for us to face various aspects of ourselves that might have otherwise remained hidden for years, or lifetimes.
The other thing I’m experiencing is a budding friendship with Prana, which in and of itself is truly great, however, it pulls some of my awareness out of the supervising role and places it upon those nice talks we have over a mountain of red bell peppers, or potatoes, that we somehow end up preparing together, meanwhile becoming somewhat less aware of our surrounding environment and responsibilities. Prana does seem much better than I am at balancing all this, because she is a natural leader and easily steps into the supervising role. I have a much more difficult time in leading people, and right now, this tendency to hide in the shadows is being triggered, and it spills into some of my actions.
The friendship with Prana is blooming into something absolutely remarkable. We’ve gotten much more comfortable with each other now, though I’ve always felt a sparkle when she was around, even last year when we met in San Ramon, when I first started doing a lot of seva in the veggie prep area. Somehow it seems like we’ve always known each other, and there is this extraordinary sense of ease, trust, and freedom that I feel around her. I also greatly cherish Prana’s guidance, often coming in the form of what I’d call ‘affectionate scolding.’ She will eventually help me do things that I’d never do on my own, or, that on my own would take me much longer to realize.
Tour offers opportunities such as these to make many incredible connections with people, and I’ve already had the opportunity to experience many wonderful heart felt talks and shared experiences with various devotees. Amma often shines in the hearts of her devotees, and I’m absolutely grateful to be here, wrapped in Her grace and experiencing a much deeper level of being with everyone here.
More later...
Ego Death
Of course, there are some challenging aspects of tour as well. Like I mentioned before, it wouldn't be tour without an uncomfortable moment or two. These are the moments that challenge us to grow and expand, dropping away old and outmoded aspects of our personality and making room for the truth to shine through, the light of our true Self. This often occurs in the presence of a realized Master. As my good friend Amal puts it, “It wouldn’t be Amma’s program without a little lila!”
Beginning on the second evening of the public program, I start to experience a little button pushing here in LA. It seems that everywhere I try to practice my qigong in the hall, I’m in someone’s way, or I’m asked to move, or I can’t be in the fire lane, and so on. This continues so much that before bhajans are even over, I’m overcome with hurt feelings and, unable to enjoy the devotional singing, I decide to leave. All this is pushing up feelings of not being able to find my place in Amma’s world. Sadly, this continues into the next morning, which is the first day of retreat.
Veggie prep usually starts late on the first day of retreat because there is no lunch to prepare. Having the morning free, I sleep in and then venture downstairs to find a quiet spot for some morning practice, which of course I’d love to do in the hall. Even though it looks closed to the public until much later in the day, I figure there is no harm if I go in for a while.
Inside, I notice one woman absorbing the energy from the spot where Amma usually sits giving Darshan. Further to my right is Niramayan, our Indian food cook, chanting the divine names. OK, so far so good. I sit in the front row of chairs, open up the archana book, and start really going for it, enjoying the hall which has taken on the feel of Amma's celestial royal court. Ahh, so nice!
Unfortunately, I don’t get so far past mantra 200 before security comes in and tells me I have to leave. I’m thinking, “what, you must be kidding… Maybe blissfully chanting the archana looks dangerous, but, surely if I show my staff wrist band, she’ll let me stay.” So I try the staff line, but much to my dismay, she is adamant that I must leave, so with archana thwarted and bliss reduced to disappointment with a mild hint of indignation, I surrender, get up and leave, being forced to finish my archana in the hotel room. All the while, I’m thinking that no one seems to bother the others who are in the hall obviously also doing their practice. As if that wasn’t enough, later when I talk to Niramayan, he mentions that he saw me enter the hall while he was chanting (out loud, I might add) but very soon saw that I was gone, so he figured maybe I just did the 108 names. I recount the incident, which he apparently completely missed absorbed in his chanting, and after hearing me, says something to the effect of, “strange, they didn't tell me anything.”
The feelings that arise with all this are quite intense, and much stronger than what the situation would warrant. Obviously, there is some deep hurt buried deep in the soul that this string of events is bringing to the surface, and from that hurt space, I decide I’m not even going in the hall tonite. There is this sense of being thrown out of the King’s royal court, a kind of deep rejection.
After dinner prep is complete, Mukti and I take a walk to a nearby Internet café. As we saunter down the streets of LA, we come across the most peculiar slice of reality, a random LA strip bar. Looking at it, we both laugh at the energy that emanates from the place. We’ve been steeped and marinated in the court of the Divine Mother for almost two and a half weeks now, and the juxtaposition of energy is for some reason rather humorous.
At the Internet café, there isn’t too much excitement on email, but I do manage to get one out to a Joanne I met in San Ramon, typing out something about clearing karma here in LA with Amma. Yep, being rudely thrown out of the hall is still on my mind, and, feeling a little rebellious, I do mean not to go to the program tonite.
As we walk back to the Hilton, Mukti hears my sad little story, and gives me her brilliant observation that I’m just running away, and, advice to just face it and be with Mother tonite. After all, how many lifetimes did you wait, she says, to have the opportunity to be here with Amma? Being the understanding soul that she is, Mukti also recounts some stories of how she ran away from Mother, which of course never works, she says, because you can’t bear to be away for too long, so you might as well just face your feelings and go tonite.
These kinds of lilas, or divine plays, happen with Mother all the time. They are inexplicable dramas that occur between the devotee and the Beloved Diety or Guru, or with other devotees but well orchestrated (overtly or very subtlety) by the Beloved. These dramas seem to touch upon the devotee soul’s deep karmic bonds, bringing those bonds to the surface where they can be broken by the light of consciousness. The Guru’s love is always urging the devotee towards liberation, and in turn, the devotee’s awakening love for the Guru sustains and urges the devotee forward when this process is painful. Not bearing to be away from the Guru, the devotee willingly walks through the fires of transformation to be with their Beloved. The distance referred to here is not necessarily physical distance, but distance of the heart.
For the true devotee, these lilas don’t just play out in the presence of the Master, but even at great physical distances. Ultimately, everything is seen as a divine play, and each life experience as specially designed by God or Guru to bring the devotee closer to liberation. However, in the physical presence of a realized Master like Amma, one easily gains the awareness and skill to use all of life’s situations for spiritual growth.
In my case, I am faced with the challenge of overcoming my feelings of rejection so I can again be with my Beloved Amma. This means forgiving the situation and all the people involved, and with an open heart, rejoining Amma in her royal court.
Forgiveness does come, though not as instantly as I might like, which means missing satsang and most of bhajans. Feeling that this was supposed to be my time with Mother, and not wanting to waste it, I chant another archana in the room with the intention of really wanting to get over these stupid feelings of rejection and hurt. Archana seems to help by reducing the feeling intensity, and I muster up the courage to make it down to the hall for the last few songs of devotion.
Not only do I feel lighter after this lila plays out, but also I can tell there is this piece of ego that has been burned off in the process. Before all this, and at the time quite hidden to me, I had this arrogance about me, very subtle but definitely there, a feeling like I deserve to be in Amma's court. Of course, I wasn't just anybody, but this important staff member. Now, I just feel a sense of gratitude for being here, and none of that self importance stuff.
As the days wear on here in LA, the whole experience with Amma continues to take on this royal quality. Amma is the Divine King, and we are servants in the great royal court. However, this royal court is not like the image one conjures up of medieval times, but rather it is the very royal court of God, where even the most insignificant sweeper in the King's courtyard is bestowed with indescribable celestial blessings.
The second nite of retreat is absolutely awe-inspiring. The hall is filled with a pristine clarity, as if everything had just come into existence for the first time, and the air, saturated with vibrant energy, is delightfully invigorating. The King’s court is in full swing, and it promises to be a magnificent evening. Amma as King is dispensing boundless love, and all the King’s best entertainers and singers are ready to give their best on stage just behind Amma.
A famous singer is here from India, and, after a hug from Amma, somehow makes it up on stage and sings a few songs of devotion. I don't get all the details of how this happened, but apparently he had a real opening after receiving Darshan. His music is quite amazing, fitting the mood and setting just right, and he obviously has a knack of getting the crowd into it. It is sad indeed, that I must leave this enchanting scene to go to bed, but with a 6 AM shift tomorrow, getting rest is necessary. A full day of seva awaits, with Devi Bhava to follow, and packing up the kitchen.
Amma as Sri Krishna
Typically I see Amma as Devi, the female Mother Goddess, with occasional overtones of Sri Krishna and even on rarer occasions, Christ. However, today, Amma is feeling distinctly male, and at that, very royal. This impression of Amma as King has been playing out all week, but tonite it becomes the crowning point of my experience.
This magical evening begins with Devi Puja, which, again, I plan to miss because in LA, I'm still of the mindset that I want to miss the crowds that gather for Devi Puja and the beginning of Devi Bhava, get some well needed rest after a full day of seva, and reappear on the scene for a late dinner followed by packing the kitchen at midnite. After all, I always want to be fresh for the morning of Devi Bhava, which I love so much. Today, however, after dinner prep is complete, instead of retiring to the room to sleep, I venture out into the Hollywood Garden. This garden is not much of a garden at all, but a concrete courtyard inside the Hilton, with some patches of green containing small trees, shrubs, and bamboo. Some of the others are here as well, enjoying a break and the light of the sun for a change.
After listening to devotional singing on my cell phone (love the technology these days) to get me in the mood, I start an archana, which flows noticeably sweet. It is indeed a pleasure to make the sounds and hear the vibrations invoking the Divine Presence. Upon completion of this wonderful chant, I notice the air has taken on an exceptional quality difficult to describe. Time stopped, revealing a tangible realness to everything, an aliveness that normal awareness doesn't register. This is around the time of Devi Puja, and I recall a similar incidence of “dropping in” last year in San Ramon. For a few still moments I enjoy the simple beauty of this present moment, and then make my way to the hotel room.
Because the room is shared with so many other staff members, I’m rather surprised to have it all to myself. Feeling alive and not quite ready for sleep yet, I decide to meditate with some devotional music to enhance and work with this very special mood.
The enchanting music and Divine names quickly lure me into a transcendental state of deep meditation and appreciation for God. Profound states of gratitude begin to emanate from my heart, which come in succeeding waves of bliss and remembrance. Each wave, as it vibrates out from the heart center, initiates a flow of tears that stream freely down my cheeks. I feel so intensely alive right now, with overwhelming appreciation for this living treasure we have here among us, the embodiment of Pure Consciousness on earth. Beyond the shadow of any doubt, something deep within me recognizes Amma as purely Divine, indeed, the sincere realization comes to me that Amma is the very same as Sri Krishna, the King of all that is and is not, living among us and sharing His life with us on earth right now. These feelings of immense realization and appreciation for Amma as Sri Krishna continue, overwhelming me in waves of bliss and devotion. How could I be so fortunate, I think, to have bestowed upon me the grace to serve in Sri Krishna’s royal court? How many lifetimes did it take to earn such a grace? And how profound His love must be, to take a human birth and give us this very opportunity to be with Him? And at the same time, what grace it is to have the eyes to see, and how easy it is to miss! Indeed so often I miss the miracle of Love that is happening around here all the time, caught up in my own petty dramas, desires, and delusions.
When the devotional realization subsides somewhat, I come out of meditation and reach for Lead Us to the Light, a book of Amma’s teachings. I open it intuitively, much like a tarot reading, which reveals a story that is contained towards the end of Amma’s reply to the second to last question in the book. The story talks about the nature of human love, demonstrating how children lose their appreciation for their parents and even consider them a burden in old age when their parents need care. This strikes a deep chord within me, as I immediately connect it to a situation I see in my family living in Poland, in the home of my favorite child relatives. The relationship between the children’s great grandmother and grandmother has become very unhealthy, containing much anger, resentment, and a sense of the great grandmother being a burden to her daughter. I am overwhelmed with the most intense compassion for both sides, a desire to somehow change this, to bring about a shift and healing to their lives. Copious tears flow again, this time in response to waves of overwhelming compassion, as I beg for God to bring about a change and healing to their lives, to lift the burdens of their karmic patterns. To somehow make this request complete, I feel compelled to chant an archana for their well-being, as an offering to God. As I make the Divine Names, pausing for interruptions by tears, which slowly subside as the chanting becomes focused, I begin feeling the Divine energy flowing out to them, embracing them, and literally lifting the karma from them. It is a kind of Divine solvent, an energy that penetrates and unwinds the deepest karmic knots according to Divine Will.
These intense meditation spaces last several hours, and when they feel complete, I still have over an hour to lie down for sleep before needing to be up again to catch dinner and help pack the kitchen.
This packing business feels very worldly in comparison to the previous experiences, a definite and stark return to normal consciousness. I find it rather challenging, in fact, because this is the first packing job I get to experience that is not in the familiar San Ramon ashram, and as you may recall, somebody else took care of it for us in Seattle. So this idea of running around looking for our stuff, which is sprinkled about the hotel with people still using it, is for some reason a little disconcerting at first. In time, though, I get the hang of it, finding veggie prep supplies in the downstairs kitchen, with the dishwashers, in the refrigerators, snack shop booths, and so on, and at times liberating these items from the folks who are still using them. It takes several hours, including inventory, to complete this task. After all this I feel spent, having slept for only about one hour, and the time now approaching close to 3 am. Sumati, Prana, and I, along with some of the others, part ways by saying, “Lets report for veggie prep at 7 AM tomorrow, in Albuquerque!” This is technically true, because it is already after midnite, and we really do start again tomorrow at 7 AM, with the rest of Devi Bhava remaining and travel from LA to Albuquerque in between. Of course, we lose an hour as we travel east into the Mountain Time zone. Yikes!
Needless to say, I’m ready for sleep so I can have some energy for the morning of Devi Bhava, not to mention the travel that follows. Prana, who is quickly becoming my absolute favorite person on this tour, however, has some other bright ideas to share. As I mentioned earlier, Amma requested Swamiji to chant the 108 names and the archana at 5 AM every Devi Bhava. My plan, which I faithfully executed in San Ramon for both Devi Bhavas, is to sleep until about, oh, 6:30 AM or so, waking up refreshed for the morning. Pranaji, however, is really giving me an earful about waking up for the archana, telling me what an amazing blessing and grace I am missing, that Amma’s sankalpa goes into it and I’m lazy rolling around in bed missing it! ! (When I say bed, of course, I mean my plot of floor space on the hotel room floor, which is shared by a lot of staff members.) She calls me stupid a few times, which I’ve come to accept as an endearing kind of stupid from Prana, not the stupid we are accustomed to using in the States. At any rate, she sounds convincing, but I feel a lot of resistance to it and somehow just don’t see myself waking up so soon.
Sleep comes fast, but much to my dismay, a devotee (I think Sri Pati) wakes me up saying, “wake up, you’re going to miss the archana.” I can’t tell if I should be angry, bewildered, or grateful. I mean, after that conversation with Prana, and that tremendous experience with Amma as Sri Krishna, it is kind of a coincidence to be woken up. Nobody bothered to wake me in San Ramon or Seattle, and now, it could very well be Amma herself calling me down to be with Her. All these thoughts are playing out in the mind, all the while, I’m trying to decide, should I go or should I sleep? With mind racing and undecided, of course, I can’t go back to sleep, but there is all this resistance to going down so early. Tour isn’t exactly a vacation, and this archana at 5 AM, who picked such a terrible time for it? Quite some time passes, and eventually a sense of duty takes over, and I stumble out of bed and down towards the program hall, all the while mumbling that Amma is going to kill me!
As the elevator doors open, I hear the sacred mantras being chanted. Of course I waited so long in bed that the archana had already begun, but luckily, it is still somewhere at the very beginning. The hall is closed at 4 AM to people coming in, but flashing my blue wristband gets me past that little obstacle, and I make my way quickly into the hall to catch as much of the archana as I can. Finding a seat towards the back of the hall, and taking a big gulp of green tea from my thermos, I make a meditation posture and listen to the Divine names. I can tell we are still close to the beginning, and when Swami goes through mantras that are particularly familiar, I grab my archana book and start following along. I’m guessing I came it at mantra 150 or so, and, not too many mantras later, deep sleep wants to take over. I find this a bit challenging. Focusing on the mantras seems to lull me to sleep, while the tea helps only just a little and only for a very short while before sleep starts creeping up on me again. Despite all this, I somehow make it through the archana, not very focused and alert, but my sense of duty at least quenched.
My Gita position comes soon afterwards, around 6:30ish. A kind soul came into the veggie prep area to sign us up for it during packing. I’m starting to feel the excitement, as this will be my very first time in this superstar seva position. Sumati has graciously offered to be my helper, and I really appreciate her for this, probably more than she knows. I feel rather calm about the whole thing. Despite reports from others of how demanding and challenging it can be, somehow I feel safe that Amma will be easy on me, and the thought of Sumati being right there is really comforting too. (The Gita position, in case you’re wondering, is the 15-minute responsibility of helping people directly into Amma’s lap, which is rotated among all the tour staff.)
When the time comes, I make my way up to Amma to get ready to relieve the person who is before me. However, an interesting lila takes place. Prana comes and relieves that person, so I’m completely confused as to what happened. Was it some kind of scheduling miscommunication? In the meantime, I’m so close to Devi I could easily reach out and touch Her, and squeezed up against people on my left, right, and behind me. My brain is a little scrambled, sitting in this immense energetic vortex that emanates from the Goddess, but somehow it is communicated and decided upon that since I’ve never done the Gita position before, I’ll remain there for a while to observe what its like. Yeah, I like that idea, I’ll just sit next to Devi for a while! This goes on for a blissful yet somewhat confusing 15 minutes, after which the stage monitors are really ready to see me leave. Blissful, for obvious reasons, but confusing, because it appears that someone missed their lap seva position because of me, and I hate the thought of getting in the way of someone else’s opportunity to be close to Amma.
After coming out of the vortex and off stage, we figure out that it was indeed a miscommunication. I am to go at a different time, in just a little while! OK, I think I can handle that, ready to jump back into the vortex of brilliant divine energy, and to serve Amma in this unique way.
When the time comes, Sumati and I approach the Goddess, relieving the others. Wow. Here I am, standing so close to Amma, watching Her give Darshan, the pure and unwavering love of God flowing to each and every soul that comes to Her. She is so present and beautiful with each person. Even though she has been here for hours, She is fresh as ever, delighted as ever for each new embrace. It is miraculous. Oh thank God for Sumati, who is ever picking up the slack in the moments I bliss out on Mother, directing people to Her, taking tokens. Wake up! Oh, God, wake up and do your seva! OK, tokens, children first, husbands first, wives on Amma’s right, native language, please come to the center, please come forward! Balancing the amazement of witnessing the Miracle of Love, and at the same time, being present to direct people into Her lap, and take people out, it is simply marvelous to behold and at the same time, I have to stay focused! With Amma’s grace, Dashan is flowing at a very easy and relaxed pace, and with Sumati’s help, it has to be the ideal conditions in which to experience this seva for the first time.
While all this is happening, Amma, as much as she is Devi, is also Sri Krishna. This whole realization of being in Krishna’s royal court is coming to a brilliant peak right now with Mother. Following the Gita position, I take a kneeling meditation position on stage further out from the vortex, as it is way too crowded close in. With brilliant bhajans flowing through the air from the Swamis, the atmosphere is saturated with devotion and pure divine Love. Simply profound and exalted states of consciousness come in waves of realization that I’m in the presence of Sri Krishna Himself. Not only this, but also a servant in His royal court. With Divine music playing and spiraling into and out of many dimensions, I feel the whole world is bowing down before this Divine being. Realization expands to see that it is not just this world, but the beings in all the worlds, including the celestial realms, are bowing down to Sri Krishna right here in the royal court of God. There is an intermixing of dimensions most difficult to describe, an expansion of consciousness into other worlds, all of which are bowing down to God, not out of necessity or fear, but simply because this Being that sits before us has bowed down in reverence and selfless service to the entire creation, giving every fiber of His/Her existence for their well being. They simply cannot resist bowing down in the presence of such pure and selfless Love.
The stage monitors, among other duties, tell each of the people who have been sitting close to Amma for some time to give others a chance. As this continues happening, eventually the people, like me, who start sitting further away, get to move closer and closer to Amma as these people in the front leave. While these marvelous realizations of Sri Krishna are taking place, the process just mentioned is enabling me to move closer to our beloved Amma.
As I already mentioned, I took a kneeling meditation position, and some 30 or so minutes later, my knees are quite sore, and the pain is disrupting the beautiful concentration I had been experiencing thus far. Finally the realization comes that I need to do something about this, and so I get up and off the stage. Devi Bhava is in full swing, and it feels like there are still hours left of Darshan, bhajans, babies, weddings, and so on. With that thought, I decide to check out what the snack shop has to offer for a little breakfast. By some bizarre coincidence, the place turns out to be packed. There is a very long line of people catching their last available breakfast, as the snack shop will close soon, in the form of very delicious Indian snacks. During the arduously long wait, I get a little agitated knowing that I’m missing the celebration in the hall by standing here, waiting for food that I probably don’t really need to eat right now. After a good while, I finally make my way over to the cash register with plate of food in hand, and, leaving the right amount of cash, I sit down to eat. Meanwhile, I hear the bahjans spilling into the snack shop area from the hall, and realize that, judging by the extremely high energy of the music and the particular songs being played, Darshan must nearly be over. Oh, God, I think, somehow I screwed up my timing. That whole bit with Sri Krishna must have taken a lot longer than I thought, and, when I decided to get food, there really wasn't much time left to the end of Devi Bhava. I feel so stupid for creating this little reality of food instead of really using the time wisely in the hall. Considering there will be a staff breakfast served right after Devi Bhava, it was a poor choice indeed. So I eat the plate full of food as fast as I can, which can’t be fast enough, and run back into the hall.
It is indeed very near the end. Many chairs have already been cleared out from the back of the hall. The energy of the music is very high. Many people have gotten up to dance, and the immanent ending of Devi Bhava draws ever nearer. Somehow, however, with full belly and having really interrupted that beautiful connection I was experiencing with Mother earlier, I can’t seem to really get into it anymore. The consciousness, even in Her presence, remains pretty flat and normal, a stark difference from the exalted place I had been just moments before. So I think to myself, OK, Mother, you got me! I’m always thinking about food on this tour, and there are times where letting that go would mean having the chance to experience much greater things. I just know this is one of those moments the Guru is showing me the difference between the liberated state, and continuing to be driven solely by my worldly desires. In this case, it is food, to which I’ve already experienced many attachments on this tour, but in a greater sense, it means all desires for sleep, comfort, wealth, power, ego, all of which, when pursued indiscriminately, take us away from the ultimate goal.
Devi Bhava concludes with the flower shower, and again I get some beautiful guidance about where to be and when to be there, so as to say goodbye to Devi from just the right place. She is beautiful indeed as She stands there at the conclusion of the flower shower, clasping flower petals in hands, and lovingly looking out upon her devotees with such Love and admiration. Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
It is already dark when our bus arrives in LA. Roused from our naps we grab our luggage and proceed to the staff check in area. After receiving a room key (yes! these are just precious to have on tour) I catch Dinner in the staff room, which was prepared by the local satsang. After a while, you start to appreciate these local people who help take care of the traveling staff. This includes acts of kindness such as stocking the staff room with many goodies and yummies and, in most cities, doing our laundry. Everybody contributes a piece to this organization and somehow it works, not just in hosting Amma throughout the world, but also in running the many ashrams and charitable organizations worldwide. As a volunteer, all I really have to focus on occurs in the veggie prep area and the kitchen, and all the other pieces come together quite amazingly, which are the focus of other volunteers who, in turn, don't have to worry about veggie prep or the kitchen at all.
It's about 7 AM on this first morning in LA, and I'm looking for the veggie prep area. It's located across from the program hall, separated from it by a large hallway. The room in which we'll be setting up is carpeted, and some kind souls have already taped blue tarps onto the area we'll be using, and set up tables. The pallets have also already been broken down, for the most part, so it's just a matter of finding our supplies and getting organized.
More later...
It is difficult for me to supervise the sevites here for two reasons, the first of which is my long-standing vasana of wanting to hide in the shadows, which is being pushed to the surface now. Somehow I find myself really pulling back, not from the work, but from my supervising duties, which unfortunately leaves Sumati with more responsibility. I find it most difficult to come into the foreground to instruct and direct the sevites in their duties, and to check up on them and their work, making sure they are doing well. During my meditations with Amma, I put a lot of intention into seeing things flow well in the veggie prep area, praying for grace and visualizing a healthy and vibrant workflow, and, me taking on a more direct and active role. It amazes me how these patterns can be so difficult to correct, even though I’ve already had very positive experiences of being responsible and really on top of things in Michigan last year and in Seattle this year, and good days in the other cities where I really came out of my shell.
As the tour progresses, I start to really see how the seva is our spiritual practice, where we get to fine tune our consciousness especially in how it relates to various conditions, ranging from easy to stressful and challenging. The growth here really seems accelerated, too, with the invisible hands of Amma guiding us, and at times, creating just the right conditions for us to face various aspects of ourselves that might have otherwise remained hidden for years, or lifetimes.
The other thing I’m experiencing is a budding friendship with Prana, which in and of itself is truly great, however, it pulls some of my awareness out of the supervising role and places it upon those nice talks we have over a mountain of red bell peppers, or potatoes, that we somehow end up preparing together, meanwhile becoming somewhat less aware of our surrounding environment and responsibilities. Prana does seem much better than I am at balancing all this, because she is a natural leader and easily steps into the supervising role. I have a much more difficult time in leading people, and right now, this tendency to hide in the shadows is being triggered, and it spills into some of my actions.
The friendship with Prana is blooming into something absolutely remarkable. We’ve gotten much more comfortable with each other now, though I’ve always felt a sparkle when she was around, even last year when we met in San Ramon, when I first started doing a lot of seva in the veggie prep area. Somehow it seems like we’ve always known each other, and there is this extraordinary sense of ease, trust, and freedom that I feel around her. I also greatly cherish Prana’s guidance, often coming in the form of what I’d call ‘affectionate scolding.’ She will eventually help me do things that I’d never do on my own, or, that on my own would take me much longer to realize.
Tour offers opportunities such as these to make many incredible connections with people, and I’ve already had the opportunity to experience many wonderful heart felt talks and shared experiences with various devotees. Amma often shines in the hearts of her devotees, and I’m absolutely grateful to be here, wrapped in Her grace and experiencing a much deeper level of being with everyone here.
More later...
Ego Death
Of course, there are some challenging aspects of tour as well. Like I mentioned before, it wouldn't be tour without an uncomfortable moment or two. These are the moments that challenge us to grow and expand, dropping away old and outmoded aspects of our personality and making room for the truth to shine through, the light of our true Self. This often occurs in the presence of a realized Master. As my good friend Amal puts it, “It wouldn’t be Amma’s program without a little lila!”
Beginning on the second evening of the public program, I start to experience a little button pushing here in LA. It seems that everywhere I try to practice my qigong in the hall, I’m in someone’s way, or I’m asked to move, or I can’t be in the fire lane, and so on. This continues so much that before bhajans are even over, I’m overcome with hurt feelings and, unable to enjoy the devotional singing, I decide to leave. All this is pushing up feelings of not being able to find my place in Amma’s world. Sadly, this continues into the next morning, which is the first day of retreat.
Veggie prep usually starts late on the first day of retreat because there is no lunch to prepare. Having the morning free, I sleep in and then venture downstairs to find a quiet spot for some morning practice, which of course I’d love to do in the hall. Even though it looks closed to the public until much later in the day, I figure there is no harm if I go in for a while.
Inside, I notice one woman absorbing the energy from the spot where Amma usually sits giving Darshan. Further to my right is Niramayan, our Indian food cook, chanting the divine names. OK, so far so good. I sit in the front row of chairs, open up the archana book, and start really going for it, enjoying the hall which has taken on the feel of Amma's celestial royal court. Ahh, so nice!
Unfortunately, I don’t get so far past mantra 200 before security comes in and tells me I have to leave. I’m thinking, “what, you must be kidding… Maybe blissfully chanting the archana looks dangerous, but, surely if I show my staff wrist band, she’ll let me stay.” So I try the staff line, but much to my dismay, she is adamant that I must leave, so with archana thwarted and bliss reduced to disappointment with a mild hint of indignation, I surrender, get up and leave, being forced to finish my archana in the hotel room. All the while, I’m thinking that no one seems to bother the others who are in the hall obviously also doing their practice. As if that wasn’t enough, later when I talk to Niramayan, he mentions that he saw me enter the hall while he was chanting (out loud, I might add) but very soon saw that I was gone, so he figured maybe I just did the 108 names. I recount the incident, which he apparently completely missed absorbed in his chanting, and after hearing me, says something to the effect of, “strange, they didn't tell me anything.”
The feelings that arise with all this are quite intense, and much stronger than what the situation would warrant. Obviously, there is some deep hurt buried deep in the soul that this string of events is bringing to the surface, and from that hurt space, I decide I’m not even going in the hall tonite. There is this sense of being thrown out of the King’s royal court, a kind of deep rejection.
After dinner prep is complete, Mukti and I take a walk to a nearby Internet café. As we saunter down the streets of LA, we come across the most peculiar slice of reality, a random LA strip bar. Looking at it, we both laugh at the energy that emanates from the place. We’ve been steeped and marinated in the court of the Divine Mother for almost two and a half weeks now, and the juxtaposition of energy is for some reason rather humorous.
At the Internet café, there isn’t too much excitement on email, but I do manage to get one out to a Joanne I met in San Ramon, typing out something about clearing karma here in LA with Amma. Yep, being rudely thrown out of the hall is still on my mind, and, feeling a little rebellious, I do mean not to go to the program tonite.
As we walk back to the Hilton, Mukti hears my sad little story, and gives me her brilliant observation that I’m just running away, and, advice to just face it and be with Mother tonite. After all, how many lifetimes did you wait, she says, to have the opportunity to be here with Amma? Being the understanding soul that she is, Mukti also recounts some stories of how she ran away from Mother, which of course never works, she says, because you can’t bear to be away for too long, so you might as well just face your feelings and go tonite.
These kinds of lilas, or divine plays, happen with Mother all the time. They are inexplicable dramas that occur between the devotee and the Beloved Diety or Guru, or with other devotees but well orchestrated (overtly or very subtlety) by the Beloved. These dramas seem to touch upon the devotee soul’s deep karmic bonds, bringing those bonds to the surface where they can be broken by the light of consciousness. The Guru’s love is always urging the devotee towards liberation, and in turn, the devotee’s awakening love for the Guru sustains and urges the devotee forward when this process is painful. Not bearing to be away from the Guru, the devotee willingly walks through the fires of transformation to be with their Beloved. The distance referred to here is not necessarily physical distance, but distance of the heart.
For the true devotee, these lilas don’t just play out in the presence of the Master, but even at great physical distances. Ultimately, everything is seen as a divine play, and each life experience as specially designed by God or Guru to bring the devotee closer to liberation. However, in the physical presence of a realized Master like Amma, one easily gains the awareness and skill to use all of life’s situations for spiritual growth.
In my case, I am faced with the challenge of overcoming my feelings of rejection so I can again be with my Beloved Amma. This means forgiving the situation and all the people involved, and with an open heart, rejoining Amma in her royal court.
Forgiveness does come, though not as instantly as I might like, which means missing satsang and most of bhajans. Feeling that this was supposed to be my time with Mother, and not wanting to waste it, I chant another archana in the room with the intention of really wanting to get over these stupid feelings of rejection and hurt. Archana seems to help by reducing the feeling intensity, and I muster up the courage to make it down to the hall for the last few songs of devotion.
Not only do I feel lighter after this lila plays out, but also I can tell there is this piece of ego that has been burned off in the process. Before all this, and at the time quite hidden to me, I had this arrogance about me, very subtle but definitely there, a feeling like I deserve to be in Amma's court. Of course, I wasn't just anybody, but this important staff member. Now, I just feel a sense of gratitude for being here, and none of that self importance stuff.
As the days wear on here in LA, the whole experience with Amma continues to take on this royal quality. Amma is the Divine King, and we are servants in the great royal court. However, this royal court is not like the image one conjures up of medieval times, but rather it is the very royal court of God, where even the most insignificant sweeper in the King's courtyard is bestowed with indescribable celestial blessings.
The second nite of retreat is absolutely awe-inspiring. The hall is filled with a pristine clarity, as if everything had just come into existence for the first time, and the air, saturated with vibrant energy, is delightfully invigorating. The King’s court is in full swing, and it promises to be a magnificent evening. Amma as King is dispensing boundless love, and all the King’s best entertainers and singers are ready to give their best on stage just behind Amma.
A famous singer is here from India, and, after a hug from Amma, somehow makes it up on stage and sings a few songs of devotion. I don't get all the details of how this happened, but apparently he had a real opening after receiving Darshan. His music is quite amazing, fitting the mood and setting just right, and he obviously has a knack of getting the crowd into it. It is sad indeed, that I must leave this enchanting scene to go to bed, but with a 6 AM shift tomorrow, getting rest is necessary. A full day of seva awaits, with Devi Bhava to follow, and packing up the kitchen.
Amma as Sri Krishna
Typically I see Amma as Devi, the female Mother Goddess, with occasional overtones of Sri Krishna and even on rarer occasions, Christ. However, today, Amma is feeling distinctly male, and at that, very royal. This impression of Amma as King has been playing out all week, but tonite it becomes the crowning point of my experience.
This magical evening begins with Devi Puja, which, again, I plan to miss because in LA, I'm still of the mindset that I want to miss the crowds that gather for Devi Puja and the beginning of Devi Bhava, get some well needed rest after a full day of seva, and reappear on the scene for a late dinner followed by packing the kitchen at midnite. After all, I always want to be fresh for the morning of Devi Bhava, which I love so much. Today, however, after dinner prep is complete, instead of retiring to the room to sleep, I venture out into the Hollywood Garden. This garden is not much of a garden at all, but a concrete courtyard inside the Hilton, with some patches of green containing small trees, shrubs, and bamboo. Some of the others are here as well, enjoying a break and the light of the sun for a change.
After listening to devotional singing on my cell phone (love the technology these days) to get me in the mood, I start an archana, which flows noticeably sweet. It is indeed a pleasure to make the sounds and hear the vibrations invoking the Divine Presence. Upon completion of this wonderful chant, I notice the air has taken on an exceptional quality difficult to describe. Time stopped, revealing a tangible realness to everything, an aliveness that normal awareness doesn't register. This is around the time of Devi Puja, and I recall a similar incidence of “dropping in” last year in San Ramon. For a few still moments I enjoy the simple beauty of this present moment, and then make my way to the hotel room.
Because the room is shared with so many other staff members, I’m rather surprised to have it all to myself. Feeling alive and not quite ready for sleep yet, I decide to meditate with some devotional music to enhance and work with this very special mood.
The enchanting music and Divine names quickly lure me into a transcendental state of deep meditation and appreciation for God. Profound states of gratitude begin to emanate from my heart, which come in succeeding waves of bliss and remembrance. Each wave, as it vibrates out from the heart center, initiates a flow of tears that stream freely down my cheeks. I feel so intensely alive right now, with overwhelming appreciation for this living treasure we have here among us, the embodiment of Pure Consciousness on earth. Beyond the shadow of any doubt, something deep within me recognizes Amma as purely Divine, indeed, the sincere realization comes to me that Amma is the very same as Sri Krishna, the King of all that is and is not, living among us and sharing His life with us on earth right now. These feelings of immense realization and appreciation for Amma as Sri Krishna continue, overwhelming me in waves of bliss and devotion. How could I be so fortunate, I think, to have bestowed upon me the grace to serve in Sri Krishna’s royal court? How many lifetimes did it take to earn such a grace? And how profound His love must be, to take a human birth and give us this very opportunity to be with Him? And at the same time, what grace it is to have the eyes to see, and how easy it is to miss! Indeed so often I miss the miracle of Love that is happening around here all the time, caught up in my own petty dramas, desires, and delusions.
When the devotional realization subsides somewhat, I come out of meditation and reach for Lead Us to the Light, a book of Amma’s teachings. I open it intuitively, much like a tarot reading, which reveals a story that is contained towards the end of Amma’s reply to the second to last question in the book. The story talks about the nature of human love, demonstrating how children lose their appreciation for their parents and even consider them a burden in old age when their parents need care. This strikes a deep chord within me, as I immediately connect it to a situation I see in my family living in Poland, in the home of my favorite child relatives. The relationship between the children’s great grandmother and grandmother has become very unhealthy, containing much anger, resentment, and a sense of the great grandmother being a burden to her daughter. I am overwhelmed with the most intense compassion for both sides, a desire to somehow change this, to bring about a shift and healing to their lives. Copious tears flow again, this time in response to waves of overwhelming compassion, as I beg for God to bring about a change and healing to their lives, to lift the burdens of their karmic patterns. To somehow make this request complete, I feel compelled to chant an archana for their well-being, as an offering to God. As I make the Divine Names, pausing for interruptions by tears, which slowly subside as the chanting becomes focused, I begin feeling the Divine energy flowing out to them, embracing them, and literally lifting the karma from them. It is a kind of Divine solvent, an energy that penetrates and unwinds the deepest karmic knots according to Divine Will.
These intense meditation spaces last several hours, and when they feel complete, I still have over an hour to lie down for sleep before needing to be up again to catch dinner and help pack the kitchen.
This packing business feels very worldly in comparison to the previous experiences, a definite and stark return to normal consciousness. I find it rather challenging, in fact, because this is the first packing job I get to experience that is not in the familiar San Ramon ashram, and as you may recall, somebody else took care of it for us in Seattle. So this idea of running around looking for our stuff, which is sprinkled about the hotel with people still using it, is for some reason a little disconcerting at first. In time, though, I get the hang of it, finding veggie prep supplies in the downstairs kitchen, with the dishwashers, in the refrigerators, snack shop booths, and so on, and at times liberating these items from the folks who are still using them. It takes several hours, including inventory, to complete this task. After all this I feel spent, having slept for only about one hour, and the time now approaching close to 3 am. Sumati, Prana, and I, along with some of the others, part ways by saying, “Lets report for veggie prep at 7 AM tomorrow, in Albuquerque!” This is technically true, because it is already after midnite, and we really do start again tomorrow at 7 AM, with the rest of Devi Bhava remaining and travel from LA to Albuquerque in between. Of course, we lose an hour as we travel east into the Mountain Time zone. Yikes!
Needless to say, I’m ready for sleep so I can have some energy for the morning of Devi Bhava, not to mention the travel that follows. Prana, who is quickly becoming my absolute favorite person on this tour, however, has some other bright ideas to share. As I mentioned earlier, Amma requested Swamiji to chant the 108 names and the archana at 5 AM every Devi Bhava. My plan, which I faithfully executed in San Ramon for both Devi Bhavas, is to sleep until about, oh, 6:30 AM or so, waking up refreshed for the morning. Pranaji, however, is really giving me an earful about waking up for the archana, telling me what an amazing blessing and grace I am missing, that Amma’s sankalpa goes into it and I’m lazy rolling around in bed missing it! ! (When I say bed, of course, I mean my plot of floor space on the hotel room floor, which is shared by a lot of staff members.) She calls me stupid a few times, which I’ve come to accept as an endearing kind of stupid from Prana, not the stupid we are accustomed to using in the States. At any rate, she sounds convincing, but I feel a lot of resistance to it and somehow just don’t see myself waking up so soon.
Sleep comes fast, but much to my dismay, a devotee (I think Sri Pati) wakes me up saying, “wake up, you’re going to miss the archana.” I can’t tell if I should be angry, bewildered, or grateful. I mean, after that conversation with Prana, and that tremendous experience with Amma as Sri Krishna, it is kind of a coincidence to be woken up. Nobody bothered to wake me in San Ramon or Seattle, and now, it could very well be Amma herself calling me down to be with Her. All these thoughts are playing out in the mind, all the while, I’m trying to decide, should I go or should I sleep? With mind racing and undecided, of course, I can’t go back to sleep, but there is all this resistance to going down so early. Tour isn’t exactly a vacation, and this archana at 5 AM, who picked such a terrible time for it? Quite some time passes, and eventually a sense of duty takes over, and I stumble out of bed and down towards the program hall, all the while mumbling that Amma is going to kill me!
As the elevator doors open, I hear the sacred mantras being chanted. Of course I waited so long in bed that the archana had already begun, but luckily, it is still somewhere at the very beginning. The hall is closed at 4 AM to people coming in, but flashing my blue wristband gets me past that little obstacle, and I make my way quickly into the hall to catch as much of the archana as I can. Finding a seat towards the back of the hall, and taking a big gulp of green tea from my thermos, I make a meditation posture and listen to the Divine names. I can tell we are still close to the beginning, and when Swami goes through mantras that are particularly familiar, I grab my archana book and start following along. I’m guessing I came it at mantra 150 or so, and, not too many mantras later, deep sleep wants to take over. I find this a bit challenging. Focusing on the mantras seems to lull me to sleep, while the tea helps only just a little and only for a very short while before sleep starts creeping up on me again. Despite all this, I somehow make it through the archana, not very focused and alert, but my sense of duty at least quenched.
My Gita position comes soon afterwards, around 6:30ish. A kind soul came into the veggie prep area to sign us up for it during packing. I’m starting to feel the excitement, as this will be my very first time in this superstar seva position. Sumati has graciously offered to be my helper, and I really appreciate her for this, probably more than she knows. I feel rather calm about the whole thing. Despite reports from others of how demanding and challenging it can be, somehow I feel safe that Amma will be easy on me, and the thought of Sumati being right there is really comforting too. (The Gita position, in case you’re wondering, is the 15-minute responsibility of helping people directly into Amma’s lap, which is rotated among all the tour staff.)
When the time comes, I make my way up to Amma to get ready to relieve the person who is before me. However, an interesting lila takes place. Prana comes and relieves that person, so I’m completely confused as to what happened. Was it some kind of scheduling miscommunication? In the meantime, I’m so close to Devi I could easily reach out and touch Her, and squeezed up against people on my left, right, and behind me. My brain is a little scrambled, sitting in this immense energetic vortex that emanates from the Goddess, but somehow it is communicated and decided upon that since I’ve never done the Gita position before, I’ll remain there for a while to observe what its like. Yeah, I like that idea, I’ll just sit next to Devi for a while! This goes on for a blissful yet somewhat confusing 15 minutes, after which the stage monitors are really ready to see me leave. Blissful, for obvious reasons, but confusing, because it appears that someone missed their lap seva position because of me, and I hate the thought of getting in the way of someone else’s opportunity to be close to Amma.
After coming out of the vortex and off stage, we figure out that it was indeed a miscommunication. I am to go at a different time, in just a little while! OK, I think I can handle that, ready to jump back into the vortex of brilliant divine energy, and to serve Amma in this unique way.
When the time comes, Sumati and I approach the Goddess, relieving the others. Wow. Here I am, standing so close to Amma, watching Her give Darshan, the pure and unwavering love of God flowing to each and every soul that comes to Her. She is so present and beautiful with each person. Even though she has been here for hours, She is fresh as ever, delighted as ever for each new embrace. It is miraculous. Oh thank God for Sumati, who is ever picking up the slack in the moments I bliss out on Mother, directing people to Her, taking tokens. Wake up! Oh, God, wake up and do your seva! OK, tokens, children first, husbands first, wives on Amma’s right, native language, please come to the center, please come forward! Balancing the amazement of witnessing the Miracle of Love, and at the same time, being present to direct people into Her lap, and take people out, it is simply marvelous to behold and at the same time, I have to stay focused! With Amma’s grace, Dashan is flowing at a very easy and relaxed pace, and with Sumati’s help, it has to be the ideal conditions in which to experience this seva for the first time.
While all this is happening, Amma, as much as she is Devi, is also Sri Krishna. This whole realization of being in Krishna’s royal court is coming to a brilliant peak right now with Mother. Following the Gita position, I take a kneeling meditation position on stage further out from the vortex, as it is way too crowded close in. With brilliant bhajans flowing through the air from the Swamis, the atmosphere is saturated with devotion and pure divine Love. Simply profound and exalted states of consciousness come in waves of realization that I’m in the presence of Sri Krishna Himself. Not only this, but also a servant in His royal court. With Divine music playing and spiraling into and out of many dimensions, I feel the whole world is bowing down before this Divine being. Realization expands to see that it is not just this world, but the beings in all the worlds, including the celestial realms, are bowing down to Sri Krishna right here in the royal court of God. There is an intermixing of dimensions most difficult to describe, an expansion of consciousness into other worlds, all of which are bowing down to God, not out of necessity or fear, but simply because this Being that sits before us has bowed down in reverence and selfless service to the entire creation, giving every fiber of His/Her existence for their well being. They simply cannot resist bowing down in the presence of such pure and selfless Love.
The stage monitors, among other duties, tell each of the people who have been sitting close to Amma for some time to give others a chance. As this continues happening, eventually the people, like me, who start sitting further away, get to move closer and closer to Amma as these people in the front leave. While these marvelous realizations of Sri Krishna are taking place, the process just mentioned is enabling me to move closer to our beloved Amma.
As I already mentioned, I took a kneeling meditation position, and some 30 or so minutes later, my knees are quite sore, and the pain is disrupting the beautiful concentration I had been experiencing thus far. Finally the realization comes that I need to do something about this, and so I get up and off the stage. Devi Bhava is in full swing, and it feels like there are still hours left of Darshan, bhajans, babies, weddings, and so on. With that thought, I decide to check out what the snack shop has to offer for a little breakfast. By some bizarre coincidence, the place turns out to be packed. There is a very long line of people catching their last available breakfast, as the snack shop will close soon, in the form of very delicious Indian snacks. During the arduously long wait, I get a little agitated knowing that I’m missing the celebration in the hall by standing here, waiting for food that I probably don’t really need to eat right now. After a good while, I finally make my way over to the cash register with plate of food in hand, and, leaving the right amount of cash, I sit down to eat. Meanwhile, I hear the bahjans spilling into the snack shop area from the hall, and realize that, judging by the extremely high energy of the music and the particular songs being played, Darshan must nearly be over. Oh, God, I think, somehow I screwed up my timing. That whole bit with Sri Krishna must have taken a lot longer than I thought, and, when I decided to get food, there really wasn't much time left to the end of Devi Bhava. I feel so stupid for creating this little reality of food instead of really using the time wisely in the hall. Considering there will be a staff breakfast served right after Devi Bhava, it was a poor choice indeed. So I eat the plate full of food as fast as I can, which can’t be fast enough, and run back into the hall.
It is indeed very near the end. Many chairs have already been cleared out from the back of the hall. The energy of the music is very high. Many people have gotten up to dance, and the immanent ending of Devi Bhava draws ever nearer. Somehow, however, with full belly and having really interrupted that beautiful connection I was experiencing with Mother earlier, I can’t seem to really get into it anymore. The consciousness, even in Her presence, remains pretty flat and normal, a stark difference from the exalted place I had been just moments before. So I think to myself, OK, Mother, you got me! I’m always thinking about food on this tour, and there are times where letting that go would mean having the chance to experience much greater things. I just know this is one of those moments the Guru is showing me the difference between the liberated state, and continuing to be driven solely by my worldly desires. In this case, it is food, to which I’ve already experienced many attachments on this tour, but in a greater sense, it means all desires for sleep, comfort, wealth, power, ego, all of which, when pursued indiscriminately, take us away from the ultimate goal.
Devi Bhava concludes with the flower shower, and again I get some beautiful guidance about where to be and when to be there, so as to say goodbye to Devi from just the right place. She is beautiful indeed as She stands there at the conclusion of the flower shower, clasping flower petals in hands, and lovingly looking out upon her devotees with such Love and admiration. Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
More later...
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Monday, August 6, 2007
Amma's Tour (San Ramon)
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
San Ramon, San Ramon, good morning San Ramon! This beloved ashram hosts Amma for 11 days on this tour, which is shortened somewhat due to more days in S America, but still a good long run with the Divine Mother in one location.
Morning prep starts with the usual pallet breakdown, but also with a distinct feeling among the tour staff of settling in. There are many brilliant and amazing stops on the tour, but somehow, here and now on the sacred grounds of this ashram, and for the next 11 days, we experience the heart of the long adventure. Perhaps this is because San Ramon is the only ashram in N America with enough room to host Mother, while all the other cities host Mother in hotel ballrooms, fair grounds, or similar venues. Or, it could be the natural beauty of the ashram grounds that make it sweet, or perhaps just the length of our stay here with Mother. Either way you look at it, we are definitely home.
Amidst the pallet activity, precious supplies being unburied and filed away to their proper locations, I spot Sumati and make my way over to tell her something I've been waiting to say for a long time. In short, it is a Thank You. I acknowledge Amma's Grace in the whole matter, which often works through her devotees. In the case of getting me on this tour, it was Sumati who was the greatest help in several ways. For this, and other reasons too, my heart will always be grateful to her. Sumati, may Amma's grace bless you forever for your kindness and help.
San Ramon veggie prep and cooking occurs in an outdoor kitchen, a semi permanent structure that is probably the result of ashram needs bumping into permit restrictions. Considering some of the other veggie prep locations we endure on tour, it is quite refreshing to work here. With sunshine pouring in as well as breezes of fresh air, just enough room to spread out, and a place for all our supplies, what more could you ask for? OK, air conditioning is a lovely luxury when the temperature climbs over 100 degrees, but, luckily, there are only a few of those days in store, and, it wouldn't be tour without an uncomfortable moment or two. Yep, its those moments that challenge us to grow, but more on that later. In short, the kitchen has concrete floors, all the plumbing, fixtures, and furnishings you would want and need, all of it protected by a large tent structure that keeps out high winds, rain, and direct sun. It is a charming slice of Amma, and, proves very functional in feeding the throngs of people that descend on the ashram grounds during Amma's visit in the summer and autumn.
Sumati, who has been veggie prep staff longer than any of us, starts the tour here in San Ramon. After getting a good look at our multicultural band of veggie choppers, she calls an all hands veggie prep staff meeting, wishing to go over health regulations. Many of our staff members had come from the Indian and/or European tours, where the regulations are different than here in the states. This conjures up quite a hilarious scene, as every sentence that Sumati speaks is immediately translated into Spanish and then French so that all can understand.
As for sleeping accommodations, I find myself in the “Porch Tent.” This structure, featured in the photo above, is created by closing in the area underneath the porch of the main house with portable tent walls. These walls consist of a durable white tarp material, and contain patches of clear plastic for windows. All the rooms in the main house are filled with sleeping bags, as well as another large tent not adjacent to the house. I am quite happy to get this “room,” because it provides ventilation, a nice view of the grounds, and fond memories of camping. The bugs here are minimal, save for a single large tarantula I stumble upon one nite, which I gently remove to the grounds outside. Just inside the house, on the basement floor, is a bathroom with shower, while the hallway has a few computers with Internet access, including spare Ethernet cables for plugging in laptops. Continuing up a set of stairs is the “staff room,” which contains many goodies for breakfast and snacks. Even though there are so many staff members here, showers are not hard to come by, because all our seva schedules are spread out in different times.
In the kitchen, we begin our mornings with a prayer and chant, short and sweet, which invoke Amma's sacred presence. Speakers are sprinkled about the place, and following the prayer we hear the 108 Names and archana on CD to which we chop some of our first vegetables. Later, various bhajans or chants are played, and during the morning program (which starts at 10 AM and runs until about 3 to 4:30 PM) bhajans are piped in live from the Darshan hall.
Every morning, we get about a 1 to 2 minute warning before Amma drives by the kitchen on her way to the Darshan hall, which comes in the form of a loud voice saying “Amma’s coming!” Upon hearing these magic words, all the kitchen staff and sevites wind down what they are doing and we make our way over to the side of the road just outside the kitchen. One of our fantastic Indian cooks, Kamala, starts us off with a bhajan and we all start singing and clapping our hands to the beat, picking up the tempo as Amma draws near. This same process repeats itself after the morning program is over and Amma leaves the Darshan hall, except this time, kisses are dispensed to all who approach the car by the divine hand hanging out the window.
When seva is not too crazy, the veggie prep staff take turns on running up to the hall for the short meditation that precedes morning Darshan. This dose of divine energy often infuses our seva with a special quality. As Amma always says, even a moment spent in meditation is as precious as gold. It is precious indeed, when in the presence of our beloved Amma.
There is plenty of room to mix salad in San Ramon, and that's a good thing! As the photo above demonstrates, we make up to 11 bins at a time that need mixing. Because salad is a raw food, and/or won’t be cooked after handling, gloves are required. Notice the pretty gloves on Pranaji’s hands, who stands to the left. Sumati, on the right, is sprinkling some final ingredients into the salad.
When the days get hot, we open some of the kitchen tent walls to allow more air circulation, as shown in the photo above. As the end of our stay in San Ramon draws near, during the retreat and leading into Devi Bhava, he have several days with temperatures climbing over 100 degrees, making veggie prep a challenge. Mindfulness practice and lots of water helps us through the heat wave, and the food still makes it out on time.
The photo above, taken just before the last Devi Bhava here in San Ramon, features our full veggie prep staff as it stands in this moment. As the tour heads east, some of these people will be shuffled around to different kitchen departments. From left to right, we have Anand (From somewhere in Europe), Prana (Austrian), Jitendra (German), Tom (Polish and American), Jagadish (Brazilian), Supriya (Spanish), Tejas (???), Rishikesh (French), and Sumati (American).
San Ramon, rather than offering those moments of complete absorption into what I came to eventually call on this tour "exalted states of consciousness," offers a slower and more graceful unfolding of the energetic and spiritual bodies. Often I feel a sense of expansion in the heart chakra, which is a very tangible sense of cleanliness and openness in the heart area. As well as I can feel it, I can also easily see this in my mind's eye with very little effort.
Even in San Ramon, I am still sleeping through the Devi Pujas. For the first one however, as I'm laying there in the porch tent, there is this tangible presence to the mind, or should I say, a lessening of the randomness of the mind as it focuses on Amma. I drift into sleep like this, and find the dream state intermingling with the puja, producing dreams of Amma's and our intentions flowing out into the world for world peace and harmony. I try this again for the second puja, but all I get is a very lazy and tamasic sleep, out of which I wake to catch dinner before heading over to help pack the kitchen, which begins at midnite.
The crowning jewel of my stay in San Ramon is Darshan towards the end of this second Devi Bhava. A token came to me much earlier in the nite, and I had already helped pack the kitchen (from midnite to 3 AM) and taken a nap since then, and am now reemerging into the hall in the morning light. When Devi finally takes me in her arms, I feel time stop as she stares deep into my eyes. Some kind of transmission is occurring that is way outside my scope of awareness and understanding. Her eyes linger there, looking into mine. It feels like some kind of recognition, yet also something way beyond that. There is a sense that I may understand one day, or that understating may unfold and permit me to know in stages, but for now, it is completely beyond me.
The flower shower comes with more training in proper placement so as to catch Devi in all her brilliance from a sweet vantage point. Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
With the end of Devi Bhava comes quick packing of my personal belongings, a brief lunch in the staff room at the main house, and a ride down to the Shiva lot to catch an ashram arranged bus to Los Angeles. It turns out I'm on bus number 2, and as luck would have it, bus number 1 is there and waiting, and number 2 is late. We endure a few uncomfortable hours in the Shiva lot, when no one can get a hold of anybody who knows what is happening, including the bus company, who says on a voice recording that business hours are such and such Monday through Friday. Of course, today happens to be a Saturday! Several hours later, bus number 2 does show up. Apparently, there was some kind of miscommunication about the pick up time. With that we finally begin our 6 to 7 hour drive for LA.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
San Ramon, San Ramon, good morning San Ramon! This beloved ashram hosts Amma for 11 days on this tour, which is shortened somewhat due to more days in S America, but still a good long run with the Divine Mother in one location.
Morning prep starts with the usual pallet breakdown, but also with a distinct feeling among the tour staff of settling in. There are many brilliant and amazing stops on the tour, but somehow, here and now on the sacred grounds of this ashram, and for the next 11 days, we experience the heart of the long adventure. Perhaps this is because San Ramon is the only ashram in N America with enough room to host Mother, while all the other cities host Mother in hotel ballrooms, fair grounds, or similar venues. Or, it could be the natural beauty of the ashram grounds that make it sweet, or perhaps just the length of our stay here with Mother. Either way you look at it, we are definitely home.
Amidst the pallet activity, precious supplies being unburied and filed away to their proper locations, I spot Sumati and make my way over to tell her something I've been waiting to say for a long time. In short, it is a Thank You. I acknowledge Amma's Grace in the whole matter, which often works through her devotees. In the case of getting me on this tour, it was Sumati who was the greatest help in several ways. For this, and other reasons too, my heart will always be grateful to her. Sumati, may Amma's grace bless you forever for your kindness and help.
San Ramon veggie prep and cooking occurs in an outdoor kitchen, a semi permanent structure that is probably the result of ashram needs bumping into permit restrictions. Considering some of the other veggie prep locations we endure on tour, it is quite refreshing to work here. With sunshine pouring in as well as breezes of fresh air, just enough room to spread out, and a place for all our supplies, what more could you ask for? OK, air conditioning is a lovely luxury when the temperature climbs over 100 degrees, but, luckily, there are only a few of those days in store, and, it wouldn't be tour without an uncomfortable moment or two. Yep, its those moments that challenge us to grow, but more on that later. In short, the kitchen has concrete floors, all the plumbing, fixtures, and furnishings you would want and need, all of it protected by a large tent structure that keeps out high winds, rain, and direct sun. It is a charming slice of Amma, and, proves very functional in feeding the throngs of people that descend on the ashram grounds during Amma's visit in the summer and autumn.
Sumati, who has been veggie prep staff longer than any of us, starts the tour here in San Ramon. After getting a good look at our multicultural band of veggie choppers, she calls an all hands veggie prep staff meeting, wishing to go over health regulations. Many of our staff members had come from the Indian and/or European tours, where the regulations are different than here in the states. This conjures up quite a hilarious scene, as every sentence that Sumati speaks is immediately translated into Spanish and then French so that all can understand.
As for sleeping accommodations, I find myself in the “Porch Tent.” This structure, featured in the photo above, is created by closing in the area underneath the porch of the main house with portable tent walls. These walls consist of a durable white tarp material, and contain patches of clear plastic for windows. All the rooms in the main house are filled with sleeping bags, as well as another large tent not adjacent to the house. I am quite happy to get this “room,” because it provides ventilation, a nice view of the grounds, and fond memories of camping. The bugs here are minimal, save for a single large tarantula I stumble upon one nite, which I gently remove to the grounds outside. Just inside the house, on the basement floor, is a bathroom with shower, while the hallway has a few computers with Internet access, including spare Ethernet cables for plugging in laptops. Continuing up a set of stairs is the “staff room,” which contains many goodies for breakfast and snacks. Even though there are so many staff members here, showers are not hard to come by, because all our seva schedules are spread out in different times.
In the kitchen, we begin our mornings with a prayer and chant, short and sweet, which invoke Amma's sacred presence. Speakers are sprinkled about the place, and following the prayer we hear the 108 Names and archana on CD to which we chop some of our first vegetables. Later, various bhajans or chants are played, and during the morning program (which starts at 10 AM and runs until about 3 to 4:30 PM) bhajans are piped in live from the Darshan hall.
Every morning, we get about a 1 to 2 minute warning before Amma drives by the kitchen on her way to the Darshan hall, which comes in the form of a loud voice saying “Amma’s coming!” Upon hearing these magic words, all the kitchen staff and sevites wind down what they are doing and we make our way over to the side of the road just outside the kitchen. One of our fantastic Indian cooks, Kamala, starts us off with a bhajan and we all start singing and clapping our hands to the beat, picking up the tempo as Amma draws near. This same process repeats itself after the morning program is over and Amma leaves the Darshan hall, except this time, kisses are dispensed to all who approach the car by the divine hand hanging out the window.
When seva is not too crazy, the veggie prep staff take turns on running up to the hall for the short meditation that precedes morning Darshan. This dose of divine energy often infuses our seva with a special quality. As Amma always says, even a moment spent in meditation is as precious as gold. It is precious indeed, when in the presence of our beloved Amma.
There is plenty of room to mix salad in San Ramon, and that's a good thing! As the photo above demonstrates, we make up to 11 bins at a time that need mixing. Because salad is a raw food, and/or won’t be cooked after handling, gloves are required. Notice the pretty gloves on Pranaji’s hands, who stands to the left. Sumati, on the right, is sprinkling some final ingredients into the salad.
When the days get hot, we open some of the kitchen tent walls to allow more air circulation, as shown in the photo above. As the end of our stay in San Ramon draws near, during the retreat and leading into Devi Bhava, he have several days with temperatures climbing over 100 degrees, making veggie prep a challenge. Mindfulness practice and lots of water helps us through the heat wave, and the food still makes it out on time.
The photo above, taken just before the last Devi Bhava here in San Ramon, features our full veggie prep staff as it stands in this moment. As the tour heads east, some of these people will be shuffled around to different kitchen departments. From left to right, we have Anand (From somewhere in Europe), Prana (Austrian), Jitendra (German), Tom (Polish and American), Jagadish (Brazilian), Supriya (Spanish), Tejas (???), Rishikesh (French), and Sumati (American).
San Ramon, rather than offering those moments of complete absorption into what I came to eventually call on this tour "exalted states of consciousness," offers a slower and more graceful unfolding of the energetic and spiritual bodies. Often I feel a sense of expansion in the heart chakra, which is a very tangible sense of cleanliness and openness in the heart area. As well as I can feel it, I can also easily see this in my mind's eye with very little effort.
Even in San Ramon, I am still sleeping through the Devi Pujas. For the first one however, as I'm laying there in the porch tent, there is this tangible presence to the mind, or should I say, a lessening of the randomness of the mind as it focuses on Amma. I drift into sleep like this, and find the dream state intermingling with the puja, producing dreams of Amma's and our intentions flowing out into the world for world peace and harmony. I try this again for the second puja, but all I get is a very lazy and tamasic sleep, out of which I wake to catch dinner before heading over to help pack the kitchen, which begins at midnite.
The crowning jewel of my stay in San Ramon is Darshan towards the end of this second Devi Bhava. A token came to me much earlier in the nite, and I had already helped pack the kitchen (from midnite to 3 AM) and taken a nap since then, and am now reemerging into the hall in the morning light. When Devi finally takes me in her arms, I feel time stop as she stares deep into my eyes. Some kind of transmission is occurring that is way outside my scope of awareness and understanding. Her eyes linger there, looking into mine. It feels like some kind of recognition, yet also something way beyond that. There is a sense that I may understand one day, or that understating may unfold and permit me to know in stages, but for now, it is completely beyond me.
The flower shower comes with more training in proper placement so as to catch Devi in all her brilliance from a sweet vantage point. Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
With the end of Devi Bhava comes quick packing of my personal belongings, a brief lunch in the staff room at the main house, and a ride down to the Shiva lot to catch an ashram arranged bus to Los Angeles. It turns out I'm on bus number 2, and as luck would have it, bus number 1 is there and waiting, and number 2 is late. We endure a few uncomfortable hours in the Shiva lot, when no one can get a hold of anybody who knows what is happening, including the bus company, who says on a voice recording that business hours are such and such Monday through Friday. Of course, today happens to be a Saturday! Several hours later, bus number 2 does show up. Apparently, there was some kind of miscommunication about the pick up time. With that we finally begin our 6 to 7 hour drive for LA.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Amma's Tour (Seattle - Day 2,3,4)
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
The next morning offers a rare treat, that is, sleeping in! On the first day of each retreat there is no lunch to prepare, so the kitchen staff usually doesn't spring into action until dinner prep, which starts at about 1 PM. The fair grounds, where the retreat and Devi Bhava are being held, are very close, about 5 minutes by car, from this devotee's house. The house is actually quite nice, however, most of the staff will relocate (yes, it is a reoccurring theme on tour, even though it appears that the first 4 days of programs are in "Seattle") to different sleeping accommodations that are on site at the fair grounds. After this rare leisurely morning passes, I round up the gang and drive us over. The local satsang prepared lunch for the staff, so I grab a bite to eat before finding my cot. The new sleeping accommodations are located just above the program hall, in one large room that has 2 areas separated out for sleeping, one for boys and one for girls, by portable "walls" that are made of thin black curtains. I'm a bad judge of these things, but I'd say there are maybe about 60 or so cots in the boys "room".
Downstairs we have the program hall, and uniquely, the kitchen is at one far end of this large room. This is unique in that we get to chop veggies right in the energy of the morning program, which includes meditation, Darshan, and devotional music sung by the Swamis. It is also unique in that Swami asks us to take our noisy chopping outside during meditation, because apparently, we make too much of a ruckus during this quiet time!
We set up veggie prep in the space just adjacent to the kitchen (trucks, pallets, you know the drill). The dining area is in the space just beyond veggie prep. Finally, the dining area is separated from the program hall, located completely at the other end of this large area, by a wall made of cubicle like dividers that stretches almost all the way from one end of the space to the other, leaving a gap on either side for foot traffic to flow between the dining and program halls.
This photo (above) features Niramayan and his wife Atulita, both Brazilian. They are truly sweet and divine souls. Niramayan is one of our main cooks for the Indian meals. Atulita, as mentioned, is one of our veggie prep supervisors. However, this year Atulita is being called away, much to our sadness, to Brazil to help organize Amma's first visit to that country. For this reason we have her only in the Seattle area and very little in San Ramon before she flies out to make preparations in Brazil. Atulita is one of my favorite people on this tour, and well liked by many of us, so there is sadness to let her go, and yet a deep reverence for her being called away to such a powerful seva. Thank you for all the heart felt talks steeped in presence!
The photo above shows Atulita mixing the dairy for the raita. This photo also shows the veggie prep area as set up at the fairgrounds. As you look at the photo, the kitchen is located just behind you, and just beyond veggie prep in front and to the left of you is the dining area.
Much like the first day of public programs in Seattle, this retreat drew a small crowd, relative of course to what Amma draws in some of the other cities. Veggie prep, for the most part, is a smooth operation in that no major mishaps occur. However, it is intensive in that we have to stay focused and very present to keep it that way! This includes checking recipes, making sure the right veggies are being brought to us, and cut in the right order (based on what the cooks use first), instructing and supervising sevites, and generally making sure things flow at a fast yet manageable pace. For the duration of this retreat, we are here and on top of things from early in the morning right up to when dinner service starts at 6 PM, taking turns on a short break for lunch.
I'm one of those people that tends to hide in the shadows a little too much, so Seattle is very good for me. I find myself having to be on the front lines supervising and managing people, and balancing what needs to get done with taking the time to be kind and attentive to our sevites, and at the same time, getting to know the people who will be traveling with us.
Veggie prep received some extra staff members this year on the world ticket from Europe, and, it turns out, some of them can either barely speak English or not at all! I find myself reaching the deep recesses of my mind for even a little Spanish. I took it for 4 years in high school, and was quite good at it then, but high school was a long long time ago. As for the French, I couldn't speak a lick of French to save my life. Meanwhile, German is flying left and right between Prana and the German boys, whom we affectionately call the Pumas. (I'll have to explain this Puma thing later). I did live in Austria for 6 months, but, sadly, the German is long gone. The whole scene is quite touching, seeing all of us come together to serve and to really make the best of it. I'm also enjoying the European flavor or working, which still gets things done, but in a much more playful, teasing, and sarcastic way. A little silliness makes for a sweeter day.
While it is easy to get lost in organizational detail, small talk with the person next to me, or the usual stream of endless thought in my own mind, there are indeed moments of sublime clarity about what is really happening here. To describe it in one word, it is Love. To try to describe it at all, would be like, as Amma affectionately says, "trying to fold up the sky and put it under your armpit." One just has to experience it, the flow of Love and Bliss and deep heart felt appreciation one experiences for being able to contribute to and be a part of this organization. I can actually and tangibly feel my part in this movement of deep and profound social and spiritual change on the planet, and at the same time, this very movement, or current of divinity, cleanses the root of my soul as it moves through me.
While we are getting the best spiritual cleansing the universe has on tap, physical cleansing is a little harder to come by, in that the showers are about a 10 minute walk from the program hall. To make matters worse, I left my towel behind at the first devotee's house I stayed at. Doh! Not a problem when I was able to borrow one at the other devotee's house, but now, its a problem. Luckily I confide my little dilemma to Prana, who is quick with a little tour advice, pointing me to those little blue kitchen towels that I can borrow. (If you've been on tour, or helped in the kitchen you probably know which "towels" I'm talking about. If not, I'll spare you the details.) This advice of course comes complete with a little story about similar dilemmas in India and/or Europe, which somehow makes everything OK. The showers are actually quite clean, and the walk is relaxing. Finding the time for this little adventure proves to be the biggest obstacle.
After staying one nite in the upstairs room, a small band of us relocate to a devotee's house for better accommodations (and closer showers to bed) because, after all, we do have that van that fell in our lap. After chanting a silent archana, we leave during the early part of the evening Darshan. While on tour, I decided I will have to let go of some of my spiritual practices, including the archana, to make room for all the seva, satsang, bhajans, and sleep, but already Prana is teaching me the art of fitting it all in. By Amma's grace I'm sure, there is plenty more tour advice to come!
Devi Bhava comes rather quickly. At this point in the tour, I find myself sleeping (in the upstairs room) through Devi Puja and the beginning of Devi Bhava, and waking up a little later to catch the last call for dinner sometime around 10 or 11 PM. Packing the kitchen starts at midnite, however, this has somehow become somebody else's responsibility, so I enjoy several hours of Devi Bhava before going back up to sleep for a few hours.
I set my alarm for 6 AM so I can wake up semi refreshed to catch the usually brilliant morning of Devi Bhava. However, I am roused from sleep before, hearing that Amma has called all staff for Darshan. Sweet! As I make my way to go down, shaking of the last remnants of a deep sleep, it dawns on me that the sounds reverberating from the hall downstairs are not bhajans at all, but the archana! Amma requested that Swamiji chant the 108 names followed by the 1000 names at 5 AM at every Devi Bhava, and it is all happening right now. With divine names saturating the atmosphere, I enter Darshan line and eventually melt into the arms of God. The morning of Devi Bhava is, as usual, brilliant. The Swamis fill the air with bhajans, steeping all of us who remain in devotion, reflecting Amma's divine nature in song and music. Devi has, once again, conquered all the darkness, and we welcome the dawn, not just the dawning of a new day, but the dawning of spiritual awakening within the soul. I've seen it many times, and I pray for the grace to see it may more times, for I never tire of the victorious Devi at the end of Devi Bhava.
I'm in for some more tour advice as Devi makes her way to the front of the stage to shower her devotees with flower petals. Following Pranaji, I somehow end up kneeling right in front of Devi as she stands there at the end of the flower shower, lovingly looking at her devotees. What sankalpas are flying through the air only Devi knows! Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
Devi Bhava concludes, and lo and behold, Devi's sleepless army springs into action after Amma leaves the hall. For me, this means simply gathering my stuff and finding the local devotee who'll be driving me to the airport. While this proves a challenge, eventually he materializes, and takes a few of us on our way. There is actually a plan B, and a local devotee is here with us to make sure we are taken care of, so once again, putting my trust in the organization is proving fruitful. In the mean time, there is a full on clean up and break down operation happening, which continues as we drive off to catch our flights.
On the way to the airport, I hear quite the interesting story of someone once asking Amma if there was an advanced course one can take in spirituality. According to the person telling the story, Her reply was "kitchen staff." Very humbling indeed, and it echoes the words of Neem Karoli Baba, who, when answering a devotee asking how to know God, said serve people and feed people.
Back in the usual world, at the airport, after dealing with the ticket and baggage check, I pour out all my liquids, drink my water, head through security and find my gate. There, I am in for quite a treat, when I reach for my archana book and start chanting the 1000 names. It flows so easily, right from the heart, and right to Devi, who is standing so clearly in front of me in my mind's eye, looking as splendid as she did on stage just a few hours earlier. I can smell the flower petals, and taste the sweetness of her presence. I can literally feel etheric flower petals all around the space where I chant the names, and the air has a different quality. Makes one wonder, can the devotees bring that sweetness back out into the world and make a difference? I think so!
In San Jose, I meet up with my good friend Mary, who picks me up at the airport. She has never seen Amma, so explaining all this is a little difficult, besides, we have some personal stuff to work out that came up just at the beginning of tour involving my family. She drops me off to say hello to my parents, and I meet up with Mary later, who kindly does my tour laundry (thanks Mary!) and leaves me alone at her house while she runs off to do some things with her daughter. The plan is for me to take a nap. Just before leaving for tour, however, I let Mary borrow my main altar picture of Amma, telling her that with it she can tune into Amma, the tour, and the adventures I am having. So there She is, a beautiful picture of Amma, the very one I meditate in front of for over a year now, that came on tour with me on 2 occasions. Oh, forget the nap, I just can't help myself and scour Mary's house for matches to light the altar candle, and plop down in front of Devi, flower petals from Seattle and candle in hand invoking her presence, and reaching for the archana book. Oh God, does this happen to the other devotees? Archana is so sweet. Oh, Ma!
So, with that, sleep is thwarted, but the heart is in Bliss. Mary comes home and we spend a quiet remainder of the afternoon over tea (from a Taoist mountain we visited several months earlier in China, but that is another story) and a light dinner. Mary then drives me up to the San Ramon ashram, devotional music playing, and making talk about life, Amma, and such things. When we arrive, the place looks deserted. I show Mary around in the failing light, and eventually lead her up to the main house, where we bump into Jani, our very dedicated travel coordinator. Jani says, quickly run to Ron's house, Amma is serving dinner up there! Well, that explains why the place is deserted. We pick up 2 other devotees Amma bound and trot down the hill to Mary's car, and make our way to Amma.
At Ron's house, we find Amma in her white clothes passing out plates of food, looking very simple and quite human on this occasion. It was just hours ago that I saw her as Devi in Seattle, now here we are in San Ramon, sitting on the grass watching Devi in Amma Bhava, looking very relaxed, making sure every devotee that wants a plate receives one. Quite auspiciously, this is Mary's first time meeting Amma, and my first time ever having dinner with Her up at the house, even though I had been a devotee for many years. I guess, some people have all the luck!
OK, it is dark, and time to say goodbye to Mary, work out my sleeping arrangements, and turn in for the nite. Veggie prep starts at 7 AM, and setup will need to be done first.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
The next morning offers a rare treat, that is, sleeping in! On the first day of each retreat there is no lunch to prepare, so the kitchen staff usually doesn't spring into action until dinner prep, which starts at about 1 PM. The fair grounds, where the retreat and Devi Bhava are being held, are very close, about 5 minutes by car, from this devotee's house. The house is actually quite nice, however, most of the staff will relocate (yes, it is a reoccurring theme on tour, even though it appears that the first 4 days of programs are in "Seattle") to different sleeping accommodations that are on site at the fair grounds. After this rare leisurely morning passes, I round up the gang and drive us over. The local satsang prepared lunch for the staff, so I grab a bite to eat before finding my cot. The new sleeping accommodations are located just above the program hall, in one large room that has 2 areas separated out for sleeping, one for boys and one for girls, by portable "walls" that are made of thin black curtains. I'm a bad judge of these things, but I'd say there are maybe about 60 or so cots in the boys "room".
Downstairs we have the program hall, and uniquely, the kitchen is at one far end of this large room. This is unique in that we get to chop veggies right in the energy of the morning program, which includes meditation, Darshan, and devotional music sung by the Swamis. It is also unique in that Swami asks us to take our noisy chopping outside during meditation, because apparently, we make too much of a ruckus during this quiet time!
We set up veggie prep in the space just adjacent to the kitchen (trucks, pallets, you know the drill). The dining area is in the space just beyond veggie prep. Finally, the dining area is separated from the program hall, located completely at the other end of this large area, by a wall made of cubicle like dividers that stretches almost all the way from one end of the space to the other, leaving a gap on either side for foot traffic to flow between the dining and program halls.
This photo (above) features Niramayan and his wife Atulita, both Brazilian. They are truly sweet and divine souls. Niramayan is one of our main cooks for the Indian meals. Atulita, as mentioned, is one of our veggie prep supervisors. However, this year Atulita is being called away, much to our sadness, to Brazil to help organize Amma's first visit to that country. For this reason we have her only in the Seattle area and very little in San Ramon before she flies out to make preparations in Brazil. Atulita is one of my favorite people on this tour, and well liked by many of us, so there is sadness to let her go, and yet a deep reverence for her being called away to such a powerful seva. Thank you for all the heart felt talks steeped in presence!
The photo above shows Atulita mixing the dairy for the raita. This photo also shows the veggie prep area as set up at the fairgrounds. As you look at the photo, the kitchen is located just behind you, and just beyond veggie prep in front and to the left of you is the dining area.
Much like the first day of public programs in Seattle, this retreat drew a small crowd, relative of course to what Amma draws in some of the other cities. Veggie prep, for the most part, is a smooth operation in that no major mishaps occur. However, it is intensive in that we have to stay focused and very present to keep it that way! This includes checking recipes, making sure the right veggies are being brought to us, and cut in the right order (based on what the cooks use first), instructing and supervising sevites, and generally making sure things flow at a fast yet manageable pace. For the duration of this retreat, we are here and on top of things from early in the morning right up to when dinner service starts at 6 PM, taking turns on a short break for lunch.
I'm one of those people that tends to hide in the shadows a little too much, so Seattle is very good for me. I find myself having to be on the front lines supervising and managing people, and balancing what needs to get done with taking the time to be kind and attentive to our sevites, and at the same time, getting to know the people who will be traveling with us.
Veggie prep received some extra staff members this year on the world ticket from Europe, and, it turns out, some of them can either barely speak English or not at all! I find myself reaching the deep recesses of my mind for even a little Spanish. I took it for 4 years in high school, and was quite good at it then, but high school was a long long time ago. As for the French, I couldn't speak a lick of French to save my life. Meanwhile, German is flying left and right between Prana and the German boys, whom we affectionately call the Pumas. (I'll have to explain this Puma thing later). I did live in Austria for 6 months, but, sadly, the German is long gone. The whole scene is quite touching, seeing all of us come together to serve and to really make the best of it. I'm also enjoying the European flavor or working, which still gets things done, but in a much more playful, teasing, and sarcastic way. A little silliness makes for a sweeter day.
While it is easy to get lost in organizational detail, small talk with the person next to me, or the usual stream of endless thought in my own mind, there are indeed moments of sublime clarity about what is really happening here. To describe it in one word, it is Love. To try to describe it at all, would be like, as Amma affectionately says, "trying to fold up the sky and put it under your armpit." One just has to experience it, the flow of Love and Bliss and deep heart felt appreciation one experiences for being able to contribute to and be a part of this organization. I can actually and tangibly feel my part in this movement of deep and profound social and spiritual change on the planet, and at the same time, this very movement, or current of divinity, cleanses the root of my soul as it moves through me.
While we are getting the best spiritual cleansing the universe has on tap, physical cleansing is a little harder to come by, in that the showers are about a 10 minute walk from the program hall. To make matters worse, I left my towel behind at the first devotee's house I stayed at. Doh! Not a problem when I was able to borrow one at the other devotee's house, but now, its a problem. Luckily I confide my little dilemma to Prana, who is quick with a little tour advice, pointing me to those little blue kitchen towels that I can borrow. (If you've been on tour, or helped in the kitchen you probably know which "towels" I'm talking about. If not, I'll spare you the details.) This advice of course comes complete with a little story about similar dilemmas in India and/or Europe, which somehow makes everything OK. The showers are actually quite clean, and the walk is relaxing. Finding the time for this little adventure proves to be the biggest obstacle.
After staying one nite in the upstairs room, a small band of us relocate to a devotee's house for better accommodations (and closer showers to bed) because, after all, we do have that van that fell in our lap. After chanting a silent archana, we leave during the early part of the evening Darshan. While on tour, I decided I will have to let go of some of my spiritual practices, including the archana, to make room for all the seva, satsang, bhajans, and sleep, but already Prana is teaching me the art of fitting it all in. By Amma's grace I'm sure, there is plenty more tour advice to come!
Devi Bhava comes rather quickly. At this point in the tour, I find myself sleeping (in the upstairs room) through Devi Puja and the beginning of Devi Bhava, and waking up a little later to catch the last call for dinner sometime around 10 or 11 PM. Packing the kitchen starts at midnite, however, this has somehow become somebody else's responsibility, so I enjoy several hours of Devi Bhava before going back up to sleep for a few hours.
I set my alarm for 6 AM so I can wake up semi refreshed to catch the usually brilliant morning of Devi Bhava. However, I am roused from sleep before, hearing that Amma has called all staff for Darshan. Sweet! As I make my way to go down, shaking of the last remnants of a deep sleep, it dawns on me that the sounds reverberating from the hall downstairs are not bhajans at all, but the archana! Amma requested that Swamiji chant the 108 names followed by the 1000 names at 5 AM at every Devi Bhava, and it is all happening right now. With divine names saturating the atmosphere, I enter Darshan line and eventually melt into the arms of God. The morning of Devi Bhava is, as usual, brilliant. The Swamis fill the air with bhajans, steeping all of us who remain in devotion, reflecting Amma's divine nature in song and music. Devi has, once again, conquered all the darkness, and we welcome the dawn, not just the dawning of a new day, but the dawning of spiritual awakening within the soul. I've seen it many times, and I pray for the grace to see it may more times, for I never tire of the victorious Devi at the end of Devi Bhava.
I'm in for some more tour advice as Devi makes her way to the front of the stage to shower her devotees with flower petals. Following Pranaji, I somehow end up kneeling right in front of Devi as she stands there at the end of the flower shower, lovingly looking at her devotees. What sankalpas are flying through the air only Devi knows! Amma Amma Taye, Devi in full regalia, and kneeling on a carpet of flower petals, these are some of my favorite things!
Devi Bhava concludes, and lo and behold, Devi's sleepless army springs into action after Amma leaves the hall. For me, this means simply gathering my stuff and finding the local devotee who'll be driving me to the airport. While this proves a challenge, eventually he materializes, and takes a few of us on our way. There is actually a plan B, and a local devotee is here with us to make sure we are taken care of, so once again, putting my trust in the organization is proving fruitful. In the mean time, there is a full on clean up and break down operation happening, which continues as we drive off to catch our flights.
On the way to the airport, I hear quite the interesting story of someone once asking Amma if there was an advanced course one can take in spirituality. According to the person telling the story, Her reply was "kitchen staff." Very humbling indeed, and it echoes the words of Neem Karoli Baba, who, when answering a devotee asking how to know God, said serve people and feed people.
Back in the usual world, at the airport, after dealing with the ticket and baggage check, I pour out all my liquids, drink my water, head through security and find my gate. There, I am in for quite a treat, when I reach for my archana book and start chanting the 1000 names. It flows so easily, right from the heart, and right to Devi, who is standing so clearly in front of me in my mind's eye, looking as splendid as she did on stage just a few hours earlier. I can smell the flower petals, and taste the sweetness of her presence. I can literally feel etheric flower petals all around the space where I chant the names, and the air has a different quality. Makes one wonder, can the devotees bring that sweetness back out into the world and make a difference? I think so!
In San Jose, I meet up with my good friend Mary, who picks me up at the airport. She has never seen Amma, so explaining all this is a little difficult, besides, we have some personal stuff to work out that came up just at the beginning of tour involving my family. She drops me off to say hello to my parents, and I meet up with Mary later, who kindly does my tour laundry (thanks Mary!) and leaves me alone at her house while she runs off to do some things with her daughter. The plan is for me to take a nap. Just before leaving for tour, however, I let Mary borrow my main altar picture of Amma, telling her that with it she can tune into Amma, the tour, and the adventures I am having. So there She is, a beautiful picture of Amma, the very one I meditate in front of for over a year now, that came on tour with me on 2 occasions. Oh, forget the nap, I just can't help myself and scour Mary's house for matches to light the altar candle, and plop down in front of Devi, flower petals from Seattle and candle in hand invoking her presence, and reaching for the archana book. Oh God, does this happen to the other devotees? Archana is so sweet. Oh, Ma!
So, with that, sleep is thwarted, but the heart is in Bliss. Mary comes home and we spend a quiet remainder of the afternoon over tea (from a Taoist mountain we visited several months earlier in China, but that is another story) and a light dinner. Mary then drives me up to the San Ramon ashram, devotional music playing, and making talk about life, Amma, and such things. When we arrive, the place looks deserted. I show Mary around in the failing light, and eventually lead her up to the main house, where we bump into Jani, our very dedicated travel coordinator. Jani says, quickly run to Ron's house, Amma is serving dinner up there! Well, that explains why the place is deserted. We pick up 2 other devotees Amma bound and trot down the hill to Mary's car, and make our way to Amma.
At Ron's house, we find Amma in her white clothes passing out plates of food, looking very simple and quite human on this occasion. It was just hours ago that I saw her as Devi in Seattle, now here we are in San Ramon, sitting on the grass watching Devi in Amma Bhava, looking very relaxed, making sure every devotee that wants a plate receives one. Quite auspiciously, this is Mary's first time meeting Amma, and my first time ever having dinner with Her up at the house, even though I had been a devotee for many years. I guess, some people have all the luck!
OK, it is dark, and time to say goodbye to Mary, work out my sleeping arrangements, and turn in for the nite. Veggie prep starts at 7 AM, and setup will need to be done first.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
Amma's Tour (Seattle - Day 1)
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
On May 30, 2007, the journey begins with a flight from my home town in San Jose to Seattle. I have no idea what I am about to experience, but I feel a sense of trust and exhilaration of things to come. In a more tangible way, trust includes flying into a city where I don't know anybody, not having taken any information as to where the programs are or how to get there, no idea where I am going to sleep, etc. The only thing I have to go by is that a devotee will pick me up at the airport.
Mother's grace has been with me since I can remember, ever deepening as our relationship grows, but I feel a particularly strong dose of it as the plane speeds down the runway out of San Jose Airport. I am overcome by a most sublime and soft, yet strong and sacred presence. Tears of gratitude fall from my eyes as the plane kisses the ground goodbye, and the world below begins to shrink away. This sacred embrace lasts for some time.
Near the completion of the short flight, I am greeted by Mt. Rainer, a beautiful sight to behold. I had forgotten about the magical beauty that surrounds the Seattle area.
I retrieve my luggage, but don't recognize anyone that lookes like a devotee. No one is standing and waiting with an "Amma" sign, no one wearing the hallmark t-shirt that reads "Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu", nor any other recognizable Amma paraphernalia. So I decide to call Jani, our great travel coordinator. After fumbling through some papers, she gives me the number of someone from the local satsang who should know something. Hmmmm... I call the local person, and they give me yet another number to call. This happens for several more phone calls, until finally I end up calling a Mike who, as it turns out, is waiting near United's baggage claim, and, via cellular descriptions, we finally find each other. OK, so far so good...
After sleep at a devotee's house, we're up bright and early to make sense of all tour supplies. I help round up all veggie prep supplies to take to the kitchen, which is about a 10 to 20 minute drive from the program hall. The photo, above, features Lakshman taking a rest during this morning's pallet breakdown. After every program, the tour staff gathers all tour supplies and stacks them on about 30 pallets, loads the pallets on trucks, and then breaks them down again upon arrival in the next city.
This Seattle icon, seen from the program hall lawn, stands proudly against the morning sky as it greets us on the beginning of this magnificent journey. Seattle is the first stop on the North American tour. From here we follow Amma to San Ramon, Los Angeles, Albuquerque, Dallas, Iowa, Chicago, Washington, New York, Boston, and finally Toronto. From there Amma continues on to Chile, however, Toronto is my last stop. The N. American tour lasts from May 31st through July 23rd, about 7 weeks of total immersion in the presence of the Divine Mother.
After that whole business with the pallets, followed by several van loads of supplies to the kitchen, the first day of veggie prep begins. Above you see Amma's devotees skillfully preparing the first meal. Amma's devotees include an impressive array of staff who have gathered here from all over the world, including many countries in Europe, N and S America, Asia, India, etc. as well as local volunteers that help in each city. Our kitchen, for this first public program day, consists of the dining hall featured above which is being used for veggie prep, and a kitchen adjacent to it on the right. These facilities belong to a local church. In the spirit of impermanence, after our one day here we need to move our kitchen to a new location, a fair grounds about 1 hour away, where the retreat and Devi Bhava will be held for the remainder of Amma's stay in the Seattle area. Yes, this means pallets, trucks, everything must go!
Our first day goes quite smoothly, with a kind of electric grace flowing through the whole operation. Most of us haven't had the opportunity to see Amma yet (who is tirelessly dispensing hugs in the program hall some 10 to 20 minutes away by car), however, Her presence is very tangible through our seva (selfless service). This day is filled with warm greetings between devotees who haven't seen each other in a long time, the joy of being on tour again, and the excitement of spiraling into Amma's world. In one word, sweet. The photo above features, top row from left to right, Prana (Austrian), Myself (Polish and American), bottom row, Niko (German), Jitendra (German), and Lakshman (???). Prana and I, along with Atulita (whom you'll meet later) are the main veggie prep supervisors. Later, in San Ramon, we'll also gain Sumati, who has been a vital part of veggie prep for many years.
Prana is destined to become my favorite person on this tour. Being a long time renunciate from Amritapuri (Amma's ashram in Kerala, India) she has many words of wisdom for this relatively new devotee. I met Amma in 2003, and had my first taste of touring on staff when Amma was in the US in November of 2006 for 2 weeks. This is my first summer tour, however, the long 7 week stretch, so, unbeknownst to me, I have a lot to learn!
We get a ride back to the program hall for lunch, and, fortunately, we're able to catch a little bit of Amma for the remainder of our lunch break. The morning Darshan is still in progress, and the crowd, which was not very large to begin with, has dwindled as it is now after the noon hour. We find a spot very close to the hugging saint, taking a few precious moments to meditate and absorb her sweet divine energy before heading back to the kitchen.
As tour goes on, sleep deprivation becomes a very unique piece of the Amma experience, however, on this day most of us are still well rested and ready for anything! The photo above features, from left to right, Anand (from somewhere in Europe), ???, Rishikesh (France), ???, Supriya (Spain), and Prana (Austria).
Both Lunch and Dinner make it out on time relatively easily on this first day. After veggie prep is complete, our supplies are cleaned, gathered and prepared for the pallets. We start looking for a ride out to the program hall location for dinner and then to catch Amma for the evening program which starts at 7:30 PM. Oh but wait, before we leave, who around here knows where we're sleeping tonite? We have to get directions to our next location, rides, etc. Triptta, the main kitchen coordinator, helps us iron out some of these details, and with that, we kiss our first kitchen goodbye.
With a burrito in hand just acquired from a local taqueria, we drive down to the program hall, and with a few minutes to spare before the evening program, Prana, Atulita and I find an inviting grass patch to have a short chat and rest.
The evening program offers satsang and bhajans followed by Darshan. The bhajans are particularly electric on this first nite with Mother. Many new tunes which I haven't yet heard echo through the hall and inspire waves of energy and devotion as Amma raises her voice to God. We stay up for some of the evening Darshan, however, it starts to get late and still there is this minor detail of not knowing just how we are supposed to get to the devotee's house in which we're staying, about 1 hour away from where we are. Hmmm.... This dilema is beautifully resolved, after some wandering around and asking of questions, when Achyut, whom I briefly met on last years November US tour, hands me the keys to a rental van. This random act of God, it turns out, appoints me driver for a van full of devotees. It is so random actually, that come Devi Bhava a few days later, it takes me a while to convince Achyut that he did in fact give me keys to a rental van. Hmmm.... Well, in the mean time, the transportation issue is solved not just for tonite, but for the rest of our stay in the Seattle area. So, with newly acquired van and Prana in the co pilot position (thanks Pranaji!) minding the directions, we make it out to the correct house relatively trouble free.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
On May 30, 2007, the journey begins with a flight from my home town in San Jose to Seattle. I have no idea what I am about to experience, but I feel a sense of trust and exhilaration of things to come. In a more tangible way, trust includes flying into a city where I don't know anybody, not having taken any information as to where the programs are or how to get there, no idea where I am going to sleep, etc. The only thing I have to go by is that a devotee will pick me up at the airport.
Mother's grace has been with me since I can remember, ever deepening as our relationship grows, but I feel a particularly strong dose of it as the plane speeds down the runway out of San Jose Airport. I am overcome by a most sublime and soft, yet strong and sacred presence. Tears of gratitude fall from my eyes as the plane kisses the ground goodbye, and the world below begins to shrink away. This sacred embrace lasts for some time.
Near the completion of the short flight, I am greeted by Mt. Rainer, a beautiful sight to behold. I had forgotten about the magical beauty that surrounds the Seattle area.
I retrieve my luggage, but don't recognize anyone that lookes like a devotee. No one is standing and waiting with an "Amma" sign, no one wearing the hallmark t-shirt that reads "Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu", nor any other recognizable Amma paraphernalia. So I decide to call Jani, our great travel coordinator. After fumbling through some papers, she gives me the number of someone from the local satsang who should know something. Hmmmm... I call the local person, and they give me yet another number to call. This happens for several more phone calls, until finally I end up calling a Mike who, as it turns out, is waiting near United's baggage claim, and, via cellular descriptions, we finally find each other. OK, so far so good...
After sleep at a devotee's house, we're up bright and early to make sense of all tour supplies. I help round up all veggie prep supplies to take to the kitchen, which is about a 10 to 20 minute drive from the program hall. The photo, above, features Lakshman taking a rest during this morning's pallet breakdown. After every program, the tour staff gathers all tour supplies and stacks them on about 30 pallets, loads the pallets on trucks, and then breaks them down again upon arrival in the next city.
This Seattle icon, seen from the program hall lawn, stands proudly against the morning sky as it greets us on the beginning of this magnificent journey. Seattle is the first stop on the North American tour. From here we follow Amma to San Ramon, Los Angeles, Albuquerque, Dallas, Iowa, Chicago, Washington, New York, Boston, and finally Toronto. From there Amma continues on to Chile, however, Toronto is my last stop. The N. American tour lasts from May 31st through July 23rd, about 7 weeks of total immersion in the presence of the Divine Mother.
After that whole business with the pallets, followed by several van loads of supplies to the kitchen, the first day of veggie prep begins. Above you see Amma's devotees skillfully preparing the first meal. Amma's devotees include an impressive array of staff who have gathered here from all over the world, including many countries in Europe, N and S America, Asia, India, etc. as well as local volunteers that help in each city. Our kitchen, for this first public program day, consists of the dining hall featured above which is being used for veggie prep, and a kitchen adjacent to it on the right. These facilities belong to a local church. In the spirit of impermanence, after our one day here we need to move our kitchen to a new location, a fair grounds about 1 hour away, where the retreat and Devi Bhava will be held for the remainder of Amma's stay in the Seattle area. Yes, this means pallets, trucks, everything must go!
Our first day goes quite smoothly, with a kind of electric grace flowing through the whole operation. Most of us haven't had the opportunity to see Amma yet (who is tirelessly dispensing hugs in the program hall some 10 to 20 minutes away by car), however, Her presence is very tangible through our seva (selfless service). This day is filled with warm greetings between devotees who haven't seen each other in a long time, the joy of being on tour again, and the excitement of spiraling into Amma's world. In one word, sweet. The photo above features, top row from left to right, Prana (Austrian), Myself (Polish and American), bottom row, Niko (German), Jitendra (German), and Lakshman (???). Prana and I, along with Atulita (whom you'll meet later) are the main veggie prep supervisors. Later, in San Ramon, we'll also gain Sumati, who has been a vital part of veggie prep for many years.
Prana is destined to become my favorite person on this tour. Being a long time renunciate from Amritapuri (Amma's ashram in Kerala, India) she has many words of wisdom for this relatively new devotee. I met Amma in 2003, and had my first taste of touring on staff when Amma was in the US in November of 2006 for 2 weeks. This is my first summer tour, however, the long 7 week stretch, so, unbeknownst to me, I have a lot to learn!
We get a ride back to the program hall for lunch, and, fortunately, we're able to catch a little bit of Amma for the remainder of our lunch break. The morning Darshan is still in progress, and the crowd, which was not very large to begin with, has dwindled as it is now after the noon hour. We find a spot very close to the hugging saint, taking a few precious moments to meditate and absorb her sweet divine energy before heading back to the kitchen.
As tour goes on, sleep deprivation becomes a very unique piece of the Amma experience, however, on this day most of us are still well rested and ready for anything! The photo above features, from left to right, Anand (from somewhere in Europe), ???, Rishikesh (France), ???, Supriya (Spain), and Prana (Austria).
Both Lunch and Dinner make it out on time relatively easily on this first day. After veggie prep is complete, our supplies are cleaned, gathered and prepared for the pallets. We start looking for a ride out to the program hall location for dinner and then to catch Amma for the evening program which starts at 7:30 PM. Oh but wait, before we leave, who around here knows where we're sleeping tonite? We have to get directions to our next location, rides, etc. Triptta, the main kitchen coordinator, helps us iron out some of these details, and with that, we kiss our first kitchen goodbye.
With a burrito in hand just acquired from a local taqueria, we drive down to the program hall, and with a few minutes to spare before the evening program, Prana, Atulita and I find an inviting grass patch to have a short chat and rest.
The evening program offers satsang and bhajans followed by Darshan. The bhajans are particularly electric on this first nite with Mother. Many new tunes which I haven't yet heard echo through the hall and inspire waves of energy and devotion as Amma raises her voice to God. We stay up for some of the evening Darshan, however, it starts to get late and still there is this minor detail of not knowing just how we are supposed to get to the devotee's house in which we're staying, about 1 hour away from where we are. Hmmm.... This dilema is beautifully resolved, after some wandering around and asking of questions, when Achyut, whom I briefly met on last years November US tour, hands me the keys to a rental van. This random act of God, it turns out, appoints me driver for a van full of devotees. It is so random actually, that come Devi Bhava a few days later, it takes me a while to convince Achyut that he did in fact give me keys to a rental van. Hmmm.... Well, in the mean time, the transportation issue is solved not just for tonite, but for the rest of our stay in the Seattle area. So, with newly acquired van and Prana in the co pilot position (thanks Pranaji!) minding the directions, we make it out to the correct house relatively trouble free.
More later...
Please click the links to your right for completed posts from other cities...
Intro
Please click the links on your right to view tour experiences at each stop...
Over the next several weeks, I'll be documenting my wonderful experience of serving on Amma's tour staff in the kitchen in the summer of 2007. The North American Tour took us through Seattle, San Ramon, LA, Albuquerque, Dallas, Iowa, Chicago, Washington, NYC, Boston, and Toronto. I'll do my best to organize the posts according to each stop on the tour, so the links on your right hand side will accurately reflect the tour's progression.
If you are new to the Amma experience, there may be a few words that seem unfamiliar, so here are a few quick definitions, as well as I know them, to help you along the way.
Definitions of Terms:
Archana - In the Amma world, this refers to the 1000 names of Devi, or Goddess, that are chanted either silently or aloud, as worship of the Divine in the feminine aspect or form.
Darshan - Literaly means 'to see' and in usual terms, means having an audience with a spiritual master. However, in the case of Amma, it is used to refer to her motherly embrace that she bestows on all that come to her.
Devi - Goddess
Devi Bhava - Literally means State of the Goddess or Mood of the Goddess. In the Amma world, this refers to the celebration of the Divine Mother that usually occurs at the end of each stop on tour, where Amma reveals a little more of who she truly is, wearing the garments and regalia of the Divine Mother and invoking Her special mood.
Lila - Divine play. Refers to the idea that all of creation, including the seemingly opposing sides, is the result of God's playfulness. It may, more specifically, refer to the interactions between a devotee and God or Guru. At times it also implies the challenging situations God or Guru creates for the devotee so that they may grow spiritually.
Sankalpa - Divine resolve. This refers to the will of a Divine Master, and has tremendous power to manifest into reality, because the Master is in perfect alignment with everything in the universe.
Seva - Selfless service. Amma stresses the importance of seva in spiritual practice. While it doesn't necessarily earn God's grace, it makes one fit to receive it because seva purifies the mind/ego which often stands in the way.
Sevites - The people who perform seva.
Vasanas - Unconscious motivations that influence our actions, which have their roots in past experiences from this or other lives. Often translated as 'negative tendencies' in Amma's community.
Over the next several weeks, I'll be documenting my wonderful experience of serving on Amma's tour staff in the kitchen in the summer of 2007. The North American Tour took us through Seattle, San Ramon, LA, Albuquerque, Dallas, Iowa, Chicago, Washington, NYC, Boston, and Toronto. I'll do my best to organize the posts according to each stop on the tour, so the links on your right hand side will accurately reflect the tour's progression.
If you are new to the Amma experience, there may be a few words that seem unfamiliar, so here are a few quick definitions, as well as I know them, to help you along the way.
Definitions of Terms:
Archana - In the Amma world, this refers to the 1000 names of Devi, or Goddess, that are chanted either silently or aloud, as worship of the Divine in the feminine aspect or form.
Darshan - Literaly means 'to see' and in usual terms, means having an audience with a spiritual master. However, in the case of Amma, it is used to refer to her motherly embrace that she bestows on all that come to her.
Devi - Goddess
Devi Bhava - Literally means State of the Goddess or Mood of the Goddess. In the Amma world, this refers to the celebration of the Divine Mother that usually occurs at the end of each stop on tour, where Amma reveals a little more of who she truly is, wearing the garments and regalia of the Divine Mother and invoking Her special mood.
Lila - Divine play. Refers to the idea that all of creation, including the seemingly opposing sides, is the result of God's playfulness. It may, more specifically, refer to the interactions between a devotee and God or Guru. At times it also implies the challenging situations God or Guru creates for the devotee so that they may grow spiritually.
Sankalpa - Divine resolve. This refers to the will of a Divine Master, and has tremendous power to manifest into reality, because the Master is in perfect alignment with everything in the universe.
Seva - Selfless service. Amma stresses the importance of seva in spiritual practice. While it doesn't necessarily earn God's grace, it makes one fit to receive it because seva purifies the mind/ego which often stands in the way.
Sevites - The people who perform seva.
Vasanas - Unconscious motivations that influence our actions, which have their roots in past experiences from this or other lives. Often translated as 'negative tendencies' in Amma's community.
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